Hi there. Text of the year arrived from Osman in Somalia during yesterday’s show. ‘Plz plz plz call me, I listen u more than my WIFE and she is jealous of U. Osman’ As I’ve said before that’s the kind of commitment we’re looking for.
Thanks for signing up to the Daily Email to Ivan in the Czech Republic, Onyi in Amsterdam, Marla in Oregon, Lydia in Oakland, Chad in Canada and Peter in Singapore.
THREE TO CHOOSE FROM. There are three items that may make the show. No. 1 is definitely in, No. 2 if we can get a radio station in South Carolina to hook up with us and No. 3 if John Simpson can do us.
1. DO MIXED RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
We hear at the Diana inquest that her mother called her a ‘whore’ when she found out the Princess was in a relationship with heart surgeon Hasnat Khan, who is a Muslim. The story is one of the most read on the web, and has prompted broader discussions which we’re going to pick up on. And we’re going to use the word ‘mixed’ in the most general sense – with reference to religion, class, country, skin-colour and whatever else marks a difference between two people.Is a mixed relationship a taboo in your country? Do people in a mixed relationship have less chance of staying together than two people from similar backgrounds? And would your friends and family mind if you entered a mixed relationship?
2. IS RACE THE KEY ISSUE IN THE RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE?
Certainly Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are dancing on the hot coals of this most delicate of issues. But will it make or break theirs, and all the other candidates’ campaigns? Is this current row being blown out of proportion as every word is picked over by a media obsessed with these two? And is the fact that the next vote for the democratic nomination is in South Carolina, where the population percentage of African Americans is above the national average?
Let’s not forget that the Republicans are in Michigan today for a vote which may bring a little clarity to that nomination contest. But is race an issue there? Not if the reports I’m reading are to be believed but you’re welcome to correct me.
**UPDATE: NO LUCK WITH JOHN SIMPSON FOR TODAY THOUGH WE MAY BE ABLE TO SPEAK TO HIM LATER IN THE WEEK.**
3. YOUR QUESTIONS TO JOHN SIMPSON
John is the BBC’s World Affairs Editor and one of your most celebrated correspondents – something I’m sure I don’t have to tell a lot of you. And he’s just been to Zimbabwe, despite Robert Mugabe’s ban on us operating there. We’re hoping he’ll be able to answer your questions about his trip, though it’s not confirmed yet. If you have a question, please email worldhaveyoursay@bbc.co.uk and all being well we’ll have the chance to put it to him.
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BBC World Have Your Say 
Ros and WHYS,
I would like to report that I have very liberal leanings and have married into a family that has staunch conservatives values and I am still accepted, I guess.
Dwight
Lord of logic
Mixed marriages are not taboo. The problem we have with mixed relationships now is that partners no longer see themselves as lovers, hence, they treat their relationship as purely contractual. This notwithstanding, many mixed marriages have survived till date.
I think that by human nature, we’re supposed to hate/fear everything different than us, as a survival mechanism. Unfortunately this also leads to conflict, but people have hated each other for as long as humans have lived. People hate people of different races, people hate people of the same race. The weirdest thing that people don’t usually think of, but you hate more of your own countrymen than people of other countries. As an American, I can’t say I hate any non americans because I have never met a non American that I have hated, but having lived virtually all of my life in the US, there are many Americans that I absolutely loath.
I think lots of people have interracial dating/marriages. Asian men are very resentful that many asian women date caucasian men. Whites get upset when white women date black men, and black women hate it when black men date white women.
I have only limited experiences with people who have dated interracially, but I have found that women that EXCLUSIVELY date men of different races (primarily african american) these women date the thuggish types and these women have really really low self esteem. I realize this isn’t PC, and it of course isn’t the situation every time, but it is what I have observed, and the relationships are pretty much based solely on sex.
As for Princess Diana, I really think she dated that guy because he was wealthy, not for any racial reason. If he were from Mars and wealthy, she would have dated him.
1. If the word “mixed” is used in the most general sense then all relationships are questioned of being successful. So first of all, if you would like to have a discussion about “mixed” relationships, define the word mixed. Or choose just 3 subjects for debate. for example a. religion b. class c. skin color.
In my opinion a relationship involves two people who are in love (is the case in general) but what can jeopardize the relationship is the involvement or input from the family / friends and people around a couple. A strong opinion of someone else then you own can change your thinking, the world you live in. So if my mom would call me or my girlfriend a whore, I would definitely stand up for my relationship. It depends how strong the individuals are and how strong there love is.
2. First I like to point out that this election isn’t that different then 4, 8 or 12 years ago. The American elections seems to be all about degrading the opponents once they have the feeling not reaching there goals through normal discussions on strategy for the future, one liners, etc.
Second, the issue if race in sex or race in color is the key for winning this election is all brought alive by the media. Of course these issues are hot items, First female president, First black/colored president. No wonder we don’t hear anything about the republicans with only “white” men and no female on the stand. If the republicans want to have any media attention, turn them into females or African-Americans.
3. Sorry John no questions for you.
Hi there! I write to respond to one of today’s issues for discussion. Mixed marriages are not particularly welcomed in my culture. However if a relative came up and says he/she wants to be involved in one I certainly won’t voice any concern. I think I would rather unite people.
Benedict from Nigeria.
The single fact that marriage between people of different origin, religion or social background are still called “mixed” outrages me.
It sounds as if it were a union between creatures of different species.
According to me, there is no such thing as “mixed marriages”, there are only “arranged marriages”, “marriages of conveniences” and “marriages for love”. Period.
Sharing the life of someone who as a completely different background does not make life easier, definitely. And raising children is a serious challenge in those cases. But at the end of the day, isn’t a union based on respect, understanding and acceptance?
Isabelle Grynberg
Belgielei
Antwerpen
Mixed marriages work. I was in a white/black marriage for 22 years, and as long as we were somewhat US against Them, it was great. Then there were no more “them” because we were pretty much accepted in our church, the town and neighborhood, and we just had the regular problems every marriage had. Lack of respect, taking each other for granted, money problems and so on. I have been divorced for 7 years now. I am not particularly looking for a white woman, but I would not dismiss it, because this time, it is not going to be “US” against “Them” anymore, we will certainly concentrate on regular good matching up of the mind and values, love and respect, the main ingredients for a good relationship, not color pigmentation. I am not familiar with religious mixed marriages, I think that could be much harder to tackle. But nothing is taboo now, unless you want to live in a cocoon.
Jacques KO in Boston
About mixed marriages: Every marriage is mixed, and at any given moment, any marriage is problematic. The greater the divergences from the background of one party to the other, the greater the possibilities for friction. I don’t say this lightly, Ros. If one assumes that there will be frictions between me and anyone not me, under the right circumstances, then it isn’t a leap to assume that the more striking and significant the social, political, psuedo-racial, religious and ethnic, geopolitical differences between two people, and the more societal (as opposed to merely social, which I take to mean my immediate sphere rather than the cultural construct) pressures, the more likely it is that someone’s mother can declare her a whore for connecting with a respected physician who just isn’t one of her kind, whatever that kind may be.
I am an African American woman married to an African American man, but we come from families from different regions of the southern US, with different standards and different mores, some more subtle than others. We started our marriage hearing the clamor of divergent expectations about marriage. It was a mixed marriage, all right.
Lydia Nayo
Oakland, CA.
Ros and WHYS,
I would like to report that I have very liberal leanings and have married into a family that has staunch conservatives values and I am still accepted, I guess.
Dwight
Lord of logic
http://www.logicandpolitics.blogspot.com
Mixed marriages are definitely not taboo. I’m a Nigerian married to the loveliest lady in the world who happens to be Dutch. Marriages based on love do not waste time dwelling on whether they are mixed or not. Sure, you can see it; you can experience being different but all that “mixed”-ness enriches our journey as a couple. Personally, I may sometimes be aware of our being “mixed” whenever I recall that I as an Igbo was rejected some 7 years ago by the parents of my previous girlfriend who was also Nigerian but from a different tribe/ethnic group (Yoruba). Being less “mixed” in that sense brought me no solace. I had to wait another year for more “mixed”-ness from a different country and culture to know happiness and completeness.
“Mixed” of course will need qualifying, as Ros already pointed out. It could point to racial, ethnic, tribal, cultural, religious, or even political differences. Or simply nationality! Or a mixture of all these as is the case for my wife and I. Needless to say, “mixed” is easily misconstrued as the bringing together of different identities, often singular identities. We are all different, easily displaying diverse but rich tastes and identities.
Perhaps, we are all becoming global citizens and casting aside the divisiveness of our differences. Future generations, our children, might well become so “mixed” that many of the so-called taboos and tensions of being mixed couples cease to be.
-Onyi
Amsterdam
Hi Ros, Akbar here.
Thks for message.
Could we have something on Bush trip to Mideast?
I’m jittery at all the military hardware being dumped in the
region.
As if the Yanks weren’t enough, here come the French
with their own assorted weaponry, and a garrission
in on the shores of the Persian Gulf.
Rgds,
A. Javadi
Hi WHYS!
I hope you are fine.
My personal experience with BBC is that BBC is impartial to a lot extent but not totally impartial. When we talk about Zimbabwe, I as an external observer feel that Zimbabwe is more highlighted and projected than necessary. Why is it so? Would Mr. John answer the question?
Secondly, John is an external entity to Zimbabwe. How he can justify his reporting that from Zimbabwean point of view is unjustified?
I think John should clarify these questions to BBC’s listeners world-wide.
With Regards,
Muhammad Asim Munir
Gujranwala, Pakistan.
Mixed relationships are an interesting thing in modern society. Having had some experience of this myself I find that where you are at the time is the most telling. People are people the world over, you might find caucasians with black people, Asians mixing with others, etc just as you would find those who have no interest in other races or those who don’t prefer blondes brunettes or blue eyes within their own group. Australia is one of those melting pots where you find all kinds of attitudes prevalent. Attitudes to mixed races cut across all social divides and while attitudes have changed over the past 2 decades and some have become stricter. I recall a day not that long ago when walking down the street with an Asian friend, people stared at me, small children even pointed at us as their parents pulled them away with disapproving looks (for us not the child). This has changed as it seems the ‘done thing’ almost a mark of status to have a foreign looking girlfriend.
It is noticable that many students here for tertiary study can freely maintain a mixed relationship where they could not in their home country. But then there are those who firmly believe it is fine to mix with other races, be friends, eat the food, travel to those places but find the idea of mixed race couples anathema. Of course this occurs in other countries not just here, how many times have I heard the story of Chinese parents dismayed their daughters (or sons) producing a foreign partner. And often, despite the best of intentions and emotion, cultural differences between the couples themselves bring the relationship to an end, that more than anything is the telling factor, especially when faced with external prejudices and pressures. True some combinations present more difficulties than others, but the mark of any relationship is that if the two people involved care enough for each other to manage any external prejudice and are aware of cultural (or any other personality) differences and have the strength to face such concerns then they should be no more trouble.
Where the problems arise is often when such relationships are highlighted in the popular media, then they become the subject of scrutiny and often the old stereotypes and prejudices find their way out and are played for all the interest they can generate. But as I said to my girlfriend at the time when she discussed this issue with me, “you are human aren’t you?” And that, above all else, is the main thing – apart from showing your partner the respect they and the relationship deserves. You can find the most suitable and compatible ‘same race’ partner but still not find the approval of family and friends.
Andrew
Australia
Hello everyone at WHYS! Thanks for picking such an important and an interesting topic.
I am a Caucasian American (teenaged), but where I grew up and lived in the U.S. I was a minority in an 80% African American county. Mixed race relationships are more common there but not accepted by the whole African American, or, for that matter, white or hispanic, community. Regardless, any mixed couple will be frequently commented on, ranging from derogatorily to being viewed as something exotic and chic. Being a mixed couple can be especially hard because it becomes such a public affair.
We also have a fairly substantial Hispanic poopulation, but I think because many of these people are newer to the area and country, they are a bit more isolated, both by choice and the aggressive attitudes of the wider community. So Caucasian-African American couples are more common.
One of my best friends is also white and both of his girlfriends so far have been African American. His current is a lovely girl from our school and they have a wonderful relationship that is both envied and admired by friends and family. I also have other friends in mixed relationships including Indian(Hindu)-African American(Christian), Christian-Jewish and Arab Muslim-African American. I do have friends however who would never dream of dating ‘outside their race or religion’ just because of little prejudices and possible stigma. Just because the relationships exist does not mean it is easy.
I’m lucky to have been born to very liberal parents who I think would support me in most any healthy relationship. However, my mother has admitted to me that she would have serious reservations about any relationship I might have with a Muslim boy, regardless of ethnicity because she has prejuidices against the oppression of women she sees in the religion and possibly sees links to violent radicalism and terrorism (we live in a climate of fear in the US). I see her point, but if I ever fall in love with a Muslim, this would not deter me.
Claire, American in Germany
Hi there Ros:
I have never really given serious thought to this issue. Maybe this is because I was brought up in what you might refer to as a “homogeneous” family. Both my parents were Liberians from the same tribe – Vai. They even came from the same part of the country. Their two families where quite close. On the issue of religion, my mother was officially a Moslem, while my father was a practicing Christian – an Episcopalian.
But this difference was never seen in our family. No one ever spoke about religion in an argumentative way. And certainly my parents never discussed the subject, at least not in hearing distance of me. All my brothers and sisters, seven of us in all, attended Christian or public schools. But none of us were required to form part of either of our parent’s religions. I guess the decision was left to us to make.
Here in Liberia, depending on the tribe and religion you are from, there may be some measure of resistance with respect to who you marry. Mostly this happens with people who are fundamentalist Evangelicals and Moslems in Liberia. People having parents who hold either of these beliefs usually do all within their powers to ensure that their children do not get married. My high school girlfriend dropped me because I had “Islamic roots” and her father wanted her marry a Christian. I was quite dumbfounded at the time and just put it down to her finding an excuse for dumping me.
Personally, if I am asked, there is no problem with mixed relationships so long as the parties concerned decide to harmionize their dealings especially as it relates to which of their two cultures may be allowed to influence their children. This is where the problem usually is. Perhaps if couples do as my parents did, there wouldn’t be discord.
My friends and family would never mind if I were to marry someone who do not share my culture, religion, or race. The reason if you ask, is simply because I am my own boss. No one makes such a decision for me – not even my parents when they were alive!
Lamii in Liberia
When I was a teenager back in the 60’s I had a girlfriend who was black (I’m white) and my parents were concerned about the flak we might get from people who couldn’t handle seeing us together. And they were right ~ her parents didn’t approve of her dating an atheist and made her break it off.
But it wouldn’t have worked anyway; She was an honor student and I was a dropout.
It’s alway something…..
And from the initial blog of kicking around the days ideas:
On the Clinton and Obama front:
-”The dispute began after Mrs Clinton said Martin Luther King’s dream of racial equality was realised only when President Johnson managed to get the Civil Rights Act of 1964 through Congress. She was making a point that it took presidential leadership to achieve Dr King’s ambition. ”
This statement just proves that Hillary is an idiot.
First, the dream was realised by millions before it was even acknowledged by the government. Second it was through those millions that change took place. Furthermore, the dream is still not entirely realised as there is still racial prejudice and inequality accross almost all races in the united states.
-”Mr Obama said Mrs Clinton’s allegations were “ludicrous”, adding: “I think they have decided to run a relentlessly negative campaign, and I don’t think anybody who’s watching would deny that.” ”
Barack hit the nail on the head with this one. I guess once Hillary got over her near breakdown from campaigning ‘not being easy’, shes back to being a bitter, argumentative, mud-slinger.
Barack did drugs at a point in his life. But heres the kicker; He has not in a long time, and he was man enough to admit it. Any other presidential candidate would have gone to the limits to cover something like this up. We could go back and dig and dig to find out what mistakes Hillary made when she was in her early years, but why stoop to that level? I could care less, I wont be voting for her either way.
Regards,
Brett ~ Richmond, Va.
—————————————————————-
Dianna’s Mother’s Comment
This comment from her mother is disgusting. I would not have expected such an ignorant comment from someone who is supposed to be cultured and held in such high regard by society.
Mixed marriages are still a grey area in the US unfortunately, and are often given odd looks depending on where you are in the country. My sister is a white female happily married to a man of latino descent. My family and I fully support their marriage just as with any other marriage. What we care about is that she is happy.
I myself have never experienced any negative criticism from dating someone of a different ethnic or religious origion, but in my experiences from friends, its often the parents who openly condemn it if anyone, and often when it is their daughter. Society will just throw looks.
The US seems to have more problems with race than religion as often race is a more tangible and easily seen difference than religion. I am interested to see how it is in parts of the world where it is the religious orientation of someone which causes the problem.
Im sure it has gotten better that it used to be years ago, but there is still a long way to go and alot of ignorance and stereotypes to break through in our society.
Brett ~ Richmond, Va.
Hi Ros.
Wow what a question, top class but guaranteed to bring lots of various comments.
How about this Fairy Tale: Two people fall in love, the boy is anything but Muslim, the girl is Muslim. They get married, have children and live happy ever after.
REALITY.
The girl will be worked upon by her family until she tows the line. If the boy persists, he will be haressed, and in many cases will be injured, or loose his life .One of the most heart rendering programmes on the German tv was about a Muslim girl whom defied her family. She is now living in a protected home where she has support, but is still living in fear.
I find it lovely to see happy mixed race couples with their children, which indicates to me that it works. Dont we ALL have to work at our marriages, and relationships to make them run smoothly?.
Just to lighten the word, in Germany not so long ago it was considered not in order if you looked for a girl in another village. Many a young buck had to retire with a bleeding nose after trying to take a damsel from the next settlement. Might be interesting to note that, the German dialect (Plat) can vary from village to village.
And if i remember rightly wasn’t it difficult if a rocker wanted to marry a mod!! ,those were the days.
Greetings to you all
John
Dearest Ros : Hi …. How are you doing today my good friend ?! The issue of mixed marriages in Iraq is a very very hot topic …. After the US led invasion of Iraq in 2003, sectarian tensions started to predominate the atmosphere in my country…. And we began to hear about divorces in families established on mixed marriages (as for e.g. between Muslim Shiites and Muslim Sunnis). Also in some really “hot” areas of Iraq evil sectarian gangs have threatened and even killed members of families based on mixed marriages between Muslim Shiites and Muslim Sunnis…. However I myself have witnessed some successful mixed marriages between Muslim Shiites and Muslim Sunnis ! With my love ! Your friend Lubna in Baghdad !
Dearest Ros : Hi …. How are you doing today my good friend ?! The issue of mixed marriages in Iraq is a very very hot topic …. After the US led invasion of Iraq in 2003, sectarian tensions started to predominate the atmosphere in my country…. And we began to hear about divorces in families established on mixed marriages (as for e.g. between Muslim Shiites and Muslim Sunnis). Also in some really “hot” areas of Iraq evil sectarian gangs have threatened and even killed members of families based on mixed marriages between Muslim Shiites and Muslim Sunnis…. However I myself have witnessed some successful mixed marriages between Muslim Shiites and Muslim Sunnis ! With my love ! Your friend Lubna in Baghdad !
I so much believe in Love. That is what matters, not mixed or pure-line relationships. Infact I am ready to marry, and sure ‘ll be happy with any woman from any race or tribe – So long as she’ll love me.
BUCHI, Jos, Nigeria
Mixed marriages of different faith can only help our understanding of each other(aside from issues within the marriage of course). We all come from the same God, we’re just from different tribes. Things get screwed up when men start interpreting the meaning of Gods word to suit their own ambitions and sense of right and wrong. When people love each other they rise above prejudice and bias imposed by ignorant people.
A reply to the question concerning mixed races. First show me a human being and I’ll show you an individual of mixed race. There are no pure races anymore (unless you come from some isolated province of China) therefore all realationships are between mixed races. Just because two people skin colors are the same or very similar does not make them of the same race. This is such a silly issue for humans to be hung up on … I for one will be glad when the HUMAN RACE gets over it. To answer the questions, yes, here in Michigan it is still too much of an issue in many places. I think this is a sad and antiquated mentality. Let’s move on.
This is easy to answer. In the US some places it is, some places it isn’t, but even if you’re in an interracial relationship, you still take a double take when you see a Chinese and Black person holding each other on the street.
As far as the whole “Clinton racist” thing, so what? She’s right. I can say I want, and fight to get Bush kicked out of the White House, but guess what, until I can talk the Supreme Court into signing those documents, its not going to happen. So yes, it took a president to make it legit.
Also, I hope you all don’t think steve is you average American. He just likes to hear himself talk. Diana could have been hanging out with someone much wealthier than a heart surgeon. I don’t think I’ve ever heard one valid idea expressed by steve since I started listening to WHYS. : )
And remember, MLK was a communist at heart, just so everyone knows. : )
The single fact that marriage between people of different origin, religion or social background are still called “mixed” outrages me.
It sounds as if it were a union between creatures of different species.
According to me, there is no such thing as “mixed marriages”, there are only “arranged marriages”, “marriages of conveniences” and “marriages for love”. Period.
Sharing the life of someone who as a completely different background does not make life easier, definitely. And raising children is a serious challenge in those cases. But at the end of the day, isn’t a union based on respect, understanding and acceptance?
The most difficult mixed marriage is the marriage between a man and a woman. I’ve been in two of those, and both worked. One lasted 25 years, and the other was ended by my husband’s death. I did find it difficult sometimes to make a marriage join such different ways of thinking, physiologies, and assumptions about life. That polarity can become a strength in a marriage but it is often a huge stumbling block.
Anthony, do pray tell us that you think Heather Mills is a wonderful person, and a couple years of marriage to Sir Paul was worth a couple hundred million $$. And she wasn’t in it for the money at all, right?
Why don’t you continue you stick your head in the sand and say everything you don’t want to believe is “invalid”? Hate to break it to you, but some people are golddiggers.
I think mixed relationships are a taboo in our country. my family and friends will not matter in this regard.
our soceity is a communaly divided .
There is lot of time to go to accept this ind of relationships.
In regards to the Clinton / Obama controversy. Remember this is both about a politial process and about the race issue. They are separate concerns and yet put together become transformed into something much beyond their individual values…. and both are very high in value.
I heard the statements made by Clinton and personally heard her saying, ( I am paraphrasing) that King was a great man and it took the actions of the top of our government system ( a president, it could have been any president) to complete the great works he had set in motion. That is how our countries legal system works. There was no put down in her words, direct or indirect. In fact just the oposite. But the intention of her words was not to point out what King has done or what Johnson did but to say that the president of this country needs to be a person ready and willing and able to be in that role and she was saying that she is. How absolutely foolish would Clinton have to be to knowingly insult a highly respected social figure of this country in the middle of her efforst to be elected and two days before we celebrate that persons birthday as a legal holiday. She is obviously not ignorant or suicidal so … the misinterpretation must have come from some other source. This is where the issue of race comes in. It has become a tactic to threaten directly or indirectly a person by calling them racist. The accusation is made whether there is any credible evidence or not ( in this case there was none). All that has to exist is any set of words or actions that are usually made by a white person where a white person has made reference to a person of color. That obscure. Just say anything about a person of color and the next thing you know, it has been turned into an accusation of some sort of racial put down. This is a tactic, used to make “white people” uncomfortable and defensive which makes them vulnerable. It is a diversive tactic used to create tention between two groups of people. The tactic causes separation and feeds animosity. In my opinion, yes, the media made a big issue out of nothing and both Clinton and Obama (and their people) should stop attacking each other and start looking forward to answering the real needs of this country. In my opinion, both of these candidates are capable of representing all Americans, not just the ones whose skin color is most like their own. Focus on the issues. … and please, readers, don’t turn my comments into something they are not. I am not a racist. I cherish all diversity in the human kind.
I think mixed relationships are a taboo in our country. my family and friends will not matter in this regard.
our society is a communally divided .
There is lot of time to go to accept this kind of relationships in our country.
1/
Until we as human beings realize that we are all one race, then there will be problems when one of us chooses someone to love whose skin is a different color from ours.
Until we as people of Earth realize that we all come from the same stuff and all basically have the same beliefs, just voiced in different ways, there will be problems when someone of one belief system chooses someone from another belief system to love.
This is not always the case, and thank all that is good that there are places on this ball of dirt and water that are accepting of love for Love itself, not for Who is in love, but more often than not it IS the case, with tragic results.
I look forward to the day when it will not matter what color your skin is or which entity/entities you do or do not believe in; but rather whether we truly Love each other or not.
2/
No, I do not believe that Race/Color is the key issue in the present race for President of the United States. I believe this last bit of Media Drama is simply just more dirt being thrown around by the candidates to discredit each other in an attempt to make US look good and THEM look bad (whomever US and THEM happens to be from their own points of view). Next week it will be drug use, or indescretions in High School, or he/she has a family member that is less than savory, or some other “dirty little secret” that the candidates can use against each other in their fight for the stop position in the US.
I thought at the beginning of this campaign that there were actually some candidates who would not stoop down and pick up the mud of their opponents’ lives and start slinging it at them, but I see that as we get further along into the campaign that this is just not the case. It is just another year of “he/she is worse than I am, so elect me”. I am trying to see through the mud to who would actually be a benefit to the White House and to the United States – and it isn’t easy. Hopefully it will be clear by Election Day.
Thank you for giving us all the chance to Have Our Say.
Sandra Webster
Summerfield, Florida, USA
Firstly, i will define relationship as understanding between two people.
It’s baseless for parents to against them since the couple will not stay
with there parents.
It’s a old fashion for parents to interfere with the life of there kids after
the age of 16.
We’ve seen many couple from different culture that had a successful marriage
and we’ve seen many same culture marriage that ends in disaster. after all
Nicholas Zarkozi and his wife are French and they have divorce after years of marriage.
relationships is all about understanding .
1. DO MIXED RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
This a difficult qeustion to answer, looking at the present situations we live in which most relationships are based more on material things. Some people will stick together once their is financial gain and security. Others will break to get financial gain. But true love is not based on material things, creed, colour, origin but committment and sharing the moments of happiness and sorrow. Disappointingly some partners run away from relationship when they reliase that they are not benefiting, being loved or worse still when a partner becomes sick. Relationships are actually under the mercy of the involved parties who can terminate it anytime. The true love comes from God and its called Agape. He/she who loves him/herself can also show love to others. However statistically many distant marriages/relations dont last especially in our generation. Lastly the only biding things for some couple in most cases are children. Its a question what you are looking for when you enter an relationship. Some would want a good image, successful people. others may want partners who care and love them.
2. IS RACE THE KEY ISSUE IN THE RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE?
Iam afriad a presidential campaign that started on a very good note has tarnished the image of humans who are in a process of learning to love each other despite of different colors. Legend Musicians like late Bob Marley and Lucky Dube sang different colours but same people. Obama and Clinton should not this white/black campaign and concentrate on the problems facing the American people like credit crunch, poverty,health, migation and other touching and important issues. America will remain a land of immigrants.
3. YOUR QUESTIONS TO JOHN SIMPSON
Seeing is believe its 9 years now that Zimbabwe has been isolated from the rest of the world. There has been many stories of the Mugabe lead govt to colapse by the end of last year. We should let the Zimbabweans take the destiny of their country. Queing for many at banknotes is common in Africa, Zambia is one nation that has underwent through such phase in the 1980s. Do we harvest what we sow or someone leap where he didnt sow. The crisis in Zimbabwe are unwarrant for and the sanctions must come to the for they just make life of common man on the street hard.
Isaac Mulongo
Germany
1. Taboo mixed?
Mixed religions probably have less chance of success than mixed ethnicity unions because the values and expectations are conflicting. The exception is Jewish and Christian both of the same Law.
Mixed culture unions are at best difficult until both adapt, modify expectations, or part, which may or may not involve racial differences.
Mixed racial unions in the US range from stable to fractured.
In the USA Traditionally: Black and White in the south was the most taboo,
Hate doctrine folk hate.
If all ethnicities were suddenly gone, the White hate folk would, without a doubt target one another based on freckles, ancestors country of origin, “bloodlines”, or something else.
Taboos of hate are based in the Satanic (God is Love), so the real divisions are God fearing vs Satanic.
Without a hate doctrine, there is no taboo. This leaves Radical Muslim vs all others for the same reason.
Do mixed race unions work?
Faith based unions are solid regardless of race, other mixed unions may or may not be.
2. Hillary race card spin-
Going for the jugular using projection may not endear Hillary to anyone, but she is not well liked now.
Anything goes for power.
3. John Simpson-
Please list the violations of law by that government to maintain power that you saw if any.
Please list the mechanisms of intimidation of the population the people expressed.
Hi, Martin from WHYS here. Elizabeth from Sweden sent us the following message about her relationship with a Japanese man:
I was in a two year off and on relationship with a Japanese man from 1996-1998 in London. He looked like the perfect embodiment of a 17th century ukiyo-e print and that’s why I was attracted to him in the first place. He was handsome, intelligent and most impatient with my European ‘hardways’.
In the end it felt like I was his mistress (although ours was the only relationship) as I wasn’t allowed to spend Sunday with him – or days he hadn’t designated to be girlfriend days. The other days belonged to drinking and golf playing with other businessmen.
I left him. I wasn’t ready to do ‘gaman suru’ or to virtuously grin and bear it in Japanese. I am happy I didn’t marry him , as there was an underlying expectation that I was to serve him – at home, and by not imposing myself on his male world.
Overall, I am not a great believer in cross-cultural relationships-especially between East and West. There are too many expectations on the woman to allow herself to be silenced and to serve. My best trait – is my mind, and my thoughts. Not being allowed to be heard and included in open male and female discussions, is confusing virtue with self-erasure.
Just a few more thoughts while sitting here at the office:
– Its sad that race is even a factor and that people cant just celebrate anothers happiness.
– If race is a personal issue in the choice of ones relationships, its sad that someone would limit themselves in their search for a soulmate based on something like race.
– religion seems to be a bit less cut and dry than the ignorance of race as a factor in relationships, as peoples fundamental ideals and beliefs may clash. I was raised in a christian household and have dated catholics, and jewish women and never experienced any issues. I would immagine that in regions of the world where religious tensions are high this could be more of a problem. Possibly even affecting the safety of the people involved in the relationship.
We have seen extreme instances of descrimination and oppresion because of choices in partners throughout history. Cases such as those in World War II and more notably here at home, during the Civil Rights Struggle in the US. It is sickening that people feel the need to push ignorant and distorted ideals on others in an attempt to keep them from happiness.
-If you don’t want to open up your mind to the possibility of dating soeone outside of your race or religion, you dont have to. Thats your choice, your potential loss. But to deprive someone elses right to do so or descriminate against them is downright wrong.
– This issue in the US often seems to be largely generational. While peers may readilly accept mix-relationships, older generations may not.
Just some more food for thought.
Regards,
Brett ~ Richmond, Va.
The story from Elizabeth in Sweden is interesting, but I wonder why it even lasted two years unless she somehow found it enjoyable being dominated like that, otherwise she would have ended it much sooner.
Anyways, my brother dated and later asked a Japanese girl to marry him. She was from Japan and was studying in the US. My brother went out there to visit her and her family, and basically she hadn’t told her parents they were engaged, and then then when she finally did, her father absolutely forbade her from marrying a non Japanese and threatened to kill himself if she did. Their relationship ended.
steve, I didn’t care when Diana died, nor do I care now, but to say that she was seeing him for the money was just childish. I know people are Gold diggers, I am from Los Angeles after all. Try thinking up something more creative, you silly narcissist. : )
Hello All,
Many people consider marriage between different races, cultures or religions as taboo. However, race isn’t a genetic reality, and cultures only gain when they learn. They learn best by direct contact, and direct contact can’t be more effectively established than by intimacy. Many think of mixing as taboo; but to me it seems the better the mix, the better the outcome.
later,
g
Okay, I’ll confess… I’m not really white.
More of a Crayola “Flesh Tone”, actually.
And my girlfriend?
“Chocolate”.
Still wouldn’t have worked, though.
So was it by coincidence that Diana only dated rich men? Anthony? Just a giant coincidence, and that for some reason whatever the trait is that she liked in men, it just happened to be possessed by men who have lots and lots and lots of money?
My sister has been in an interracial marriage for 20 years and has 1 child of her own and 4 adopted children. She is a fantastic parent and a successul business owner. Unfortunately, her family is still viewed by many ignorant people as wrong or deviant. I hope one day my nieces and nephews won’t have to suffer others egotism and bigotry.
Ken in Cleveland
Race,tribe wouldnt matter but sharing a common faith, fear for God and friendship would.
from JONATHAN in UGANDA.
My wife is of a different tribe and looking back I dont think it would have been any better if I had married someone from my tribe. Women are all the same worldwide. Johnson, Nigeria.
Hello my family is very mixed.were somalis married british,american,dutch and italians.no relationship is easy and both partners have to work together to make the marriage work.
Amina in Kenya
There is nothing wrong with mix marriage as long as both party love each other, i think it ll help boost unity among race, religion or tribe.
Isah from Nigeria.
What is considered a “mixed marriage” varies from place to place and from time to time. My husband’s parents were considered to be undertaking a mixed marriage by their families in 1945 because his mother’s family had emigrated to America from southern Italy (Calabria) and his father’s family had emigrated from Sicily. Their parents had such different Italian dialects that they had to communicate with each other in their halting English.
When my husband and I married in 1966, we were considered a mixed marriage because he was an Italian Catholic and I was a German Lutheran. Nevertheless, Jim’s parents’ marriage lasted until death parted them when his mother died in 1994, and Jim and I look forward to celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary this June.
Today, perhaps neither of these marriages would be considered mixed by most Americans, although some families would probably still see them as mixed.
I think it is institutions, rather than individuals, which have a stake in labeling and warning against and preventing mixed marriages. At the time my husband and I married, I was “banned” by the church I had been raised in because of my intent to marry a Catholic. While my husband and I arranged a marriage blessed by both our churches and intended to continue to remain members of both churches, over the years we have left both churches. We have placed the needs of our marriage relationship above the requirements of the churches, and so our relationship with each other has lasted but both churches have lost our membership and committed participation.
If love brings two people together,nothing should bar them from marrying. Unnecessesary culture is the enemy of love.
Naphas from Eldoret,KENYA.
Hi,
I am a British Pakistani Muslim, who came to work in the US for two years on a short project. I met my husband who is a Jordanian born palestinian here in OC California. Although he is Muslim, and Islam as areligion is entirely COLOUR BLIND, againts any form of racism, or tribal mentality, I have to say my culture is extremely closed to the idea of mixed race marriages, and this is typical globally.
It really is quite unfortunate, when the religion of muslims promotes racial equality that people cling on to rather primitive cultural practices.
Although the language barrier is sometimes a challenge, it is easily overcome, my arabic in laws are wonderful, and if the religion is truly practiced, there is no room for failure in a inter-racial marriage, because everyone is on the same page in the most significant aspects of life.
I was able to win my parents over and highlight the importance of equality in Islam, and they had to concede, despite their inital objections. I went through alot os stress, hoping and praying that they would accept it, not wanting tolive with their discontent at my choices.
I now have a baby boy and am very happy, thank God, whereas i know if I had listened to my parents , I never would have sent my life with my soul mate and the only man I truly could love.
Yasmin Bhuj
Born Manchester
In Nigeria, mixed marriages of tribes and religions is only approved amongst the elite.
Chinedu from Nigeria.
Dear Ros,
The concept of a mixed relationship has changed as society has become more multicultural. Decades ago, marriages between the Irish or English or French or German would have been considered mixed, but not so much anymore. I think there will come a time when other relationships now considered mixed will be the norm. My heritage is English, French, Welsh and Irish and I do not consider myself mixed.
Matt in Canada
Mixed marrages will always be taboo. But, how are we ever going to combat ignorance, which leads to racism, if we stay within our own races.
Christian and Muslim marriage can not hold. The two Religions have seperate believes and orientation.
Frederick – MONROVIA LIBERIA
My wife is black, I am white. we have two children. we live in California but are about to move to Texas (a little nervous about that) but we don’t have too many problems either. we are concious not to feed into the negative aspects of our different races but instead to celebrate the differences in them. it has worked so far, thank goodness. great show, thanks!
I have been married to a lady of different tribe for more than 8 yrs and our families hav accepted each other and the marriage is fine but there was initial opposition
Garba Emma in Liberia
Am Francis Reuben a Tanzanian living in Texas.in my nation most africans likes white man cause they belief they are good spenders of money.and they are decent as well.n they are liberal n rational.
Nearly twenty years ago, I — from northern New England in the US, met and married a wonderful Cuban expatriate woman who lived in Florida, and moved to my home in the north.
She received daily emails from her mother telling her to move “home” and leave that Anglo.
It finally wore her down and we were divorced after two years.
AJay
Chester, Connecticut, USA
As a Christian African American woman I married a Muslim man from Mali. It did not matter if both of us were black, his family would have preferred he married a cousin, meaning keep it close in the family. My family was concerned he would try to take a second wife, We stayed together for 4 years.
His family was supportive but their initial fear was if his financial support to them would continue (which it did). My family fell totally in love with him and are still close going on 10 years after the divorce.
Our biggest challenge was my under estimation of the cultural differences.
I had prided myself as ‘Mama Africa’ since i loved Africa after spendign many years on the continent. I was naive. I was well travel (read exposed) and he had barely left the village. He carried his very traditional and conservative values into our marriage and I saw no space for me.
Denise
I really honestly believe that interracial marriages can get rid of racism around the world. I am from Toronto Canada. There is a lot of interracial relationships here and its one of the most open minded and accepting cities I have ever lived in. Despite this, there still are many people here that I know who only like to be with people of their own race. Many of them say its because the other races don’t like to mix. I myself have experienced a 5 year interracial relationship. I believe only way to expect the others to accept your race is to first accept theirs first, specially in relationships.
Hello! I totally believe that its ok for people with different race to get in a relationship. I have been with an African American Christian guy (and i am from East Asia) for the past 3 years, and both of us are very happy in this relationship. However, my family doesn’t seem to be very hapy about it. It would perhaps be a different scenario if he was Caucasian. When will people stop being so damn stupid and racist!! doesn’t it matter if your children are happy or not?!?!?! It hurts to see him being rejected by my family!
I’ve been happily married to a woman from India for 6.5 yrs. I’m a white American. My familly never had a problem with it, but hers had a major problem. Apparently they didn’t want somebody from a different caste…
Both her brothers live in my city and had worked here for a number of years. They were adamantly opposed. The thing that really bothered me was that they opposed our marriage based on the presumed nature of American men. They didn’t even bother meeting me before they formed their opinion. They lived here for years and had virtually no respect for the people of the country where they live! They poisoned their parents’s attitudes towards me before the parents met me. They made my wife’s life very difficult in the three months between her announcement and our actual marriage. I was quite concerned they’d try some sort of kidnapping or even honor b.s. Fortunately my wife was living in student housing and not with one of her brothers. I knew their addresses and every time she went over there I made sure she called me after she got out, otherwise I’d have been over there and ugliness would have ensued…
In the end, her parents came around. Apparently her mother’s primary concern was that I wouldn’t respect her (meaning her mom). Her father was always a pretty gentle man and was willing to let his daughter make her decision (very unusual and admirable). I was pleasantly surprised on both counts. I’d still like to take her brothers behind the woodshed, but they’ve been pleasant enough.
The marriage itself has been fabulous. We’re both pretty independent thinkers and non-religious, so that helps. I love Indian food and she likes non-Indian food, so no trouble there. The only possible source of tension is that she’s vegetarian and I’m not. But my eating meat doesn’t bother her, and I don’t mind rarely having meat at home, so no real issues there. I’m probably much healthier as a result!
I must respond to the London woman who said East and West shouldn’t mix. I have been married to a wonderful Japanese man for nearly 20 years. I am a caucasian American. We met in Japan where language and culture were both barriers. It didn’t matter. I am a strong feminist active in poltics, childfree by choice and as outspoken as any western woman and he adores me. He has never expected me to wait on him or be anything but his equal and his best friend. I couldn’t be happier.
Heidi – American living in Belgium
Silly steve, you think someone like her would just go to a bar and pick up on a regular Joe? Put yourself in her shoes. How would you go about looking for love? Not in the super market. Not at the pub. Not at the Pizza shop. You need to understand the type of people she was able to have good conversation/interaction with.
I’m currently in a relationship with an american Jewish boy and I was raised in a very very catholic and latin family. Following the machismo character of my background, my current boyfriend hates it when my family disrepects me. One event led to a full fight between my brother and him, where my brother became somewhat violent towards me. My boyfriend stepped in and had I not seperated them, one of them would have gone to jail that day. For a while I was banished from my house, and cut off from all financial help…simply because I was dating him. I have since worked out the differences between my family and myself, but I have kept my relationship with my boyfriend secret for the past three years.
The other issue I face is from his background. Since I am not jewish, I am somewhat rejected since I know that he loves me and they are afraid that he will end up being with me. This isn’t necessarily his family…they have come to accept me. But there are several instances where we will be in his element, and I have often been confronted and called the shiksa whore. It hurts, but he makes me laugh so we’ll keep going as long as both of us want to keep going. I can put up with the entire drama because he’s worth it, and I never listen to people. One day I’ll have to be honest to my family and tell them the truth, but for the time being I am enjoying teaching him about praying to saint anthony for lost objects, and he teaches me about great bagels and “schmear”. (He actually teaches me more than that by the way).
It is absolutely none of my business who loves each other and why they do!
I’d much rather people love each other than the opposite!
Tom
Oregon
I am a product of a mixed relationship. My parents met in college during the 70’s and when they decided to get married there was a lot of objection from my Mother’s family. She was brought up in an upper class white household while my dad grew up in a poor Mexican-American farming community and was only able to go to college because of affirmative action. They decided that after their marriage they they would not move to the south of the US because of their concern for their children and want to protect them from what they saw as a part of the US that is not as tolerant of “mixed” relationships. So, together they have faced a lot of adversity and together they have overcome it. Happily I can tell you they will be celebrating their 31st wedding anniversary this February.
-Laura
Response to Luke about moving to Texas: He and his wife will want to research neighborhoods very carefully in the city to which they relocate. I used to live in Dallas and knew an interracial couple living in the suburbs who didn’t seem to have any problems. I’m in Austin now, which is considered much more liberal than Dallas, but I don’t know any interracial couples here and thus don’t have an idea of that experience. So, hopefully everything will be okay for them, but I would advise Luke and his wife to stick with more urban parts of whatever city they relocate to and not go too far into the suburbs.
Parents not being happy with their childrens choices of mates based on race, is racism. Plain and simple. It may be due to the dissonance between the self-image that parents hold of their children and reality, but the way they act on that and things they say is when that dissonance turns into racism.
In that regards, I disagree with the caller that coined the issues that parents have with mix-relationships and their children is in fact not racism.
Brett ~ Richmond, Va
I am a white agnostic woman living in Austin, Texas. My long term boyfriend, from a very small town in Texas, was raised Baptist. When we go to his family’s home for holiday occasions, I always squirm in my seat when I hear slight racial slurs. My point in mentioning this is that racism is so deep-seated as to rear its ugly head in many situations, no matter how subtle. These are people who would consider themselves tolerant, even though one my boyfriends aunts is in a mixed relationship. (Perhaps they are willing to overlook the skin color of that family member since he is also a minister in their church). I, however, have been too afraid the last 4 years to mention my religious stance, quietly going along with them to church when prompted. My response to your listener moving to Texas would be to move to a more urban environment- Austin being the most liberal and tolerant city. Other areas have still never had access to a lot of variety living in such homogenous places. That said, I truly believe that to overcome racist tendencies, we need to spend time outside of our comfort zones. I think it is fear that fuels such reactions.
Harry in San Francisco writes:
Here in the Bay Area, multicultural and multiracial relationships between younger people are ubiquitous.
The truth is that people of different cultures and races are naturally attracted to each other. Given proximity, intermarriage is inevitable. While differences between cultures are obvious in the immigrant generation, their children are all culturally American.
This is not true in, say, Malaysia where Malays, Chinese, and Indians all maintain their separate communities.
My dad is zambian and married my mom from guyana,sou th america.i find that guyanese culture is alot more easy going and there is alot of variety in th foods we eat par ticularly at chris tmas time.
from Nkole in Zambia
It isn’t only mixed marriages. My parents set fire to my belongings when I set up with another male (of the same race)
I am a 27 year old sierra leonean my girlfriend is german and we live in Minnesota in the US. Fortunately for us both our parents are very accepting of our relationship and we will be getting married soon. I think mixed relationships are healthy for the advancement of the human race.
Love is the basis of marriage.Family members should seek the happiness of couples rather pressure them to the point of seperation.
Joseph in Lagos
When my mother decided to marry, her mother was very concerned about a marriage to someone from a different community. My mother is from the English home counties, and my father is a Yorkshireman !
The taboo issue will always exist as long as we have different : religions, dietary habits (cant eat pork say), tribes, races etc. Only if these differences stop and we think of ourselves as citizens of earth will things change.
Max. Singapore.
Anthony: I didn’t realize her only option was the bar… How did you determine this? And that would have been horrible if she had to lower herself by speaking to blue collar workers! gasp! that would have been horrible! No princess should be subjected to people that have to work for a living. So yes, those millionaire clubs are obviously better choices for meeting people other than those lowly people who aren’t rich!
I am an East Indian migrated to the US. I am happily married to a jewish/Irish American girl. My dear sister married a Nigerian (American born) very humble, wonderful man. when she mentioned about the relationship to my oldest brother, he said that my sister’s husband shoud not be a part of the family, but could only be a family friend. She had her wedding in Dominica, but his family chose not to attend.
One great thing I have noticed with my kids is that they never distinguish another kid as black or white rather someone with curly hair.
Bernie from New York
I am in a mixed relationship; my fiance and myself are products of mixed couples. We live in Denver and it doesn’t seem to be much of a problem. Honestly the only time I think about it is when we enter a very homogeneus groups. I know that we have much more support than our parents did. Our kids will be fully multiracial (1/4 Black, 1/4 Japanese, 1/4 White, 1/4 Mexican), and confused. But I think that multiracial couples and multiracial children are beatiful. What better way to show that we are all humans, and move the world forward. Thanks for your discussion as always,
Simon
If I want to marry someone my family would have no say. If they don’t like the person I am going to marry or live with I will disown them. They have no authority to decide whom I should love.
Samson
Mention of traditional Asian values reminded me of Ingrid from NYC Chinatown, later at State Uni Buffalo, whom I met in social blogging site Xanga. Shr thought it best to have two black boys at the same time in her room because her mother wouldn’t imagine she’d have sex with both.
I believe that the prejudices against mixed races and/or religion are widely held by the older generation who saw the separation of races justified by the government – regardless of the country. My parents, who are in the 80’s, believe that cultural differences are too hard to overcome. Whereas my generation does not see those differences as a hurdle at all. We see them, instead, as a cultural enrichment.
Sarah, Oregon – USA
I am Nigerian and My Fiancé is Ghanaian, and my parents still had reservations about us being together even though we are both Black and African.
Ayo
I am the child of a so-called “mixed” couple and have to agree with an on air comment about how the rejection of such relationships seems to have shifted to the minorities. At least here in Oregon.
I have been very fortunate to never have been the victim of any kind of racism, but must admit that hearing first hand racist views from several minorities that identify me as “like them” has pushed me farther from this culture.
It is unfortunate that the human animal feels the need to reject a previous ideology by eventually embodying it.
~Michelle
Portland, OR, USA
Hello,
Africans have seen the world as a mixed place as such accepts people of all races. The world is going mixed. its very ok to have mixed marriages. I believe it is the only way forward in this supersonic age.
Elias Nankap Lamle
Doctoral Student,
Anthropology,
Katholieke Universitiet Leuven Belgium
I am from an Indian Family that left to come to America years ago. My sister married a white man and we were fine with it. My mom’s side of the family were not fine with it and threatened to boycott the wedding. My father told to do what they needed to, but the wedding would go along as planned. My parents would have prefered my sister to have married an indian man but they met my brother in law and he met all the criteria that an indian boy would have had to have passed. So they approved the marriage and 4 years later he isn’t my brother in law, he is my brother
Hi’
Both my wife and I are Africans from two nations DRC and Rwanda that have been practically at war for a decade now. We were married by Rev. Sun Myung Moon. We have two lovely children and think our family is a blessing to the two nations. Our children speak English, French,plus their mother tongue and the father tongue. We married for the love of God and of our nations. Sometimes it can become tough existence when our countries are at war. But we have sailed through although we hardly knew one another when we married. God keeps us together when the situations is tough.
Didn’t Shakespeare address this problem with some eloquence? Things never change . . .
AJay
Chester, Connecticut, USA
In general it still does. When it comes to colour it depends on the background of those involved. For instance: my grandfather would certainly be offended since he ‘does not like’ to foreigners, my parents wouldn’t mind. At the other hand you could have problems with difference in religion. I can imagine that here in Belgium most of the muslim fathers would be objected of giving their daughter to a non muslim. That is my experience with it.
It’s interesting that in the United States many seem to feel that negative attitudes about ‘mixed’ dating/marriages are primarily a Caucasian phenomenon, but the reality is that many people of many different ethnic backgrounds wish for their children to date/marry/procreate from within their own ethnicity. It seems almost as though Caucasian people in this country are those who are primarily judged negatively for this attitude, while those of other ethnicities are seen as simply acting to protect their cultural heritage.
Hi i’m Linda from Armenia but i live in Kuwait. I fel in love withe a black man and i’m white, now my family are makin a visa for him and we’ll get maried, he makes me feel like a princess.
I’m Luhya married to Kamba. Its now 9yrs. Its about sacrifice and respect. I think its the best way to beat tribalism.
Martin. Kenya
I have lived in Texas almost the entire 25 years of my life. I don’t think a white man with a black wife will have any problems here. If it were a black man/white woman, yeah maybe. The problems would also depend on what part of Texas your in. It’s a big damn state. Big cities like Houston, Austin, San Antonio or Dallas are used to mixed couples by now, there are true metropolis’s. Austin is extremely liberal. I myself live in Austin now and I am white and will be marrying an Asian woman in a few months.
I’m Emeka, a Nigerian, Igbo by tribe. My parents particularly my mother always tells me never to marry from a different background than mine.
Diana’s mother was right – I can’t allow my child to marry a Moslem
Pastor Joseph in Nigeria
“what will the neighbors say?” I notice this issue coming up with many people, caring what others think. This is insecure behavior and is rather revolting even to listen to.
I am a Nigerian of Yoruba tribe. I will not allow any of my children to marry from from certain tribes in Nigeria.
Bisi. Lagos. Nigeria
I’m Ahmed writing from Merka,Somalia.
people from various religious backgrounds don’t have to marry because this can endanger their children’s future faith interms of embracing a single religion and this can lead the children to become infidels by abstaining to embacing one of the parents religion so that the other doesn’t feel disobeyed!
If there were more mixed marriages there would be more harmony & fewer problems in this stupid, predudiced world.
Linda, Malaga, Spain.
For the record I’ve been married three times and I can testify that being of the same race is no guarantee of success.
If what you have can be broken apart by color or country then it wasn’t real to begin with.
John in Salem
I once lived in Japan and was engaged to a Japanese girl. After hearing unfortunate stories about friends who also were involved with Japanese women I was apprehensive that things would not bode so well for me. However, to my delight her parents were very supportive of our decision when we announced our engagement. Though the communication with her family was lacking they were always very welcoming to me. On the other hand, we did experience racism on occasion. For example, once we were waiting at a bus stop in Tokyo in front of a pub and a man came out and started swearing at my fiancé and called her a whore for being with a foreigner. All in all, it was very good time in my life but it was impossible to just be ourselves and live like normal people. Had we lived in the U.S. it might have been easier. Having been too young at the time and the pressure of fitting into Japanese society we ended the relationship after 2 years. In the end, I can’t honestly say mixed relationships are capable of working in the long run. If anything there is far more to work out than being with someone of your own race.
Cheers…….Ralph
– Portland, Oregon
This isn’t necessarily about mixed marriages, but I don’t see why people would risk losing their families (even if it’s the families being
hateful) for “love”? Most marriages end in divorce these days, usually within 5 years. Would you really throw away your family for a relationship that is likely going to fail anyways? The days of long term, until death do we part marriage, is over.
Steve
USA
Chris from US
I’m Buddhist my fiancee is Hindu I’m caucasian American she is Sindhi Indian both families are happy and we haven’t met resistence from either side.
Eliel from Brooklyn
I am an Atheist myself but I don’t understand couples who actively practice different religions, because in some cases it means that you believe that the person who you are married to is going to hell or something like that. Secular couples who identify themselves by a religion for cultural reasons I understand.
My mother who is Jehovah Witness married a man who was catholic. Each of them believed that the other was in some way or form doomed. Needless to say the marriage didn’t last.
What makes me angry with your discussion is the fact that you always talk about blacks being victims. I am white and live in Kenya and I suffer from racism against me. I’m called names almost daily.
Susan
Hi!
I live in Cleveland, Ohio, USA, but I’m originally from Brazil, where racism takes a very interesting form. You see, most of us Brazilians aren’t really sure of our ethnicity. If you don’t know what kind of blood you have, how can you be prejudiced based on race or religion?? If all of us throughout the world were in mixed marriages and produced mixed-race children, then a lot of racial and religious problems would disappear, wouldn’t they??
My Grandmother a German-American, married a Jewish man in the time between the first and second world war. He was my Fathers Step father but the only father he ever new and only grandfather I ever knew. Her family accepted him in, though his family was less accepting of us. My sister also married a Jewish man and her children are listed as Jewish on thier birth certificate although they would not be recognized as Jewish. They were raised neither. It upset me because they had no underpinning either Jewish or Christian. I never dated a Black man because I knew that while my parents would get use to the Idea, the bigger family never would. It also happened I never met anyone of another race with whom I was attracted, but then I dated very little. I have a dilemma now in that my son is dating and I imagine will eventually marry a catholic young woman. We lover her and her family and have no problem with their getting married. Her father, however, insists that his children be married in a Catholic Church or he says he will not attend. I am a Protestant Minister. I baptized my children, helped to confirm my son and assumed one day I would perform the marriage. Even that is not the problem so much as the church’s insistence that to be married in a Catholic Church, the couple must promise to raise all children as Catholics. I have no problem with people worshiping in whatever way they choose, but I do object to my someday grandchildren being brought up in a church that teaches that women are second class citizens. Does that make me prejudiced, perhaps, but I also object to them learning that gays are sinners, like the rest of us are not, and no one gets to heaven unless they believe a certain set of dogma’s. My God is more loving than that. Often parents objections to mixed marriages has more to do with concerns over the future difficulties they bring than the person their child is marrying.
Peace
rev. Nancy A.F. Gibson
I am white European origin.
Wife is Mexican American.
We have been married 17 years and moved to Cleveland.
I am from a big upper middle class family (8 kids) from a suburb in Chicago
She is middle class (4 kids) family from the city of Chicago.
We are both college educated.
We are both Catholic with parochial education with similar family and religious values. Race has never been an issue. My father just once mentioned caution for no other reason that to protect his son, me.
We have a 14 year old son and we adopted a Korean child 4.5 years ago.
Life is good.
I believe religion is a bigger factor in negative feelings in society as well as dark skin / light skin relationship
Tom from Cleveland
I’m a Christian and I dated a Muslim for 4 years during college. It took 2 years before she introduced me to her family, which was trying, but not impossible. It was an experience that encouraged me to learn as much as possible about her tradition and in the end, it was the typical relationship strains that drove us apart, not our difference in beliefs.
Justin
Portland, OR
I am a White American female from Northern California, USA and am married to a gentleman from Benin, West Africa who schooled in Paris most of his life. We are a young married couple and both very independent people but very much in love, even more so after our three years of marriage. Both of our families are supportive and although there is a language barrier, they even reach out to eachother in an attempt to keep in touch and get to know each other from across the world.
Our biggest challenges really come from our different upbringings, which could have been the case had I married another white American male. He grew up in a business family, from royalty and I, in an emotionally connected family of artists from a hippie town in California. Otherwise, we manage to bridge the gaps where neccessary and have a great support system behind us of family and friends. There is problems with communication as is to be expected when two people grow up with different languages, but the problem comes more from the difficulty of my communicating with his family.
We are lucky and have a wonderful relationship together and with our respective families. I believe in love and if your work hard enough at it, you can make the cross cultural marriage a great one.
I am a father of mixed race children and their mothers family was split down the middle on our relationship. I was never treated badly by any of them but she did have some problems. Now I find myself in another mixed race relationship where her family are the best and love me and my children. I personally try not to judge people by more than their actions, but as a father I find my thought wondering how my daughters would fit into some one else’s family if they came from a different culture. It’s just a question I think any parent would have even when you come from a family that is as racially divers as mine. I am black as are my siblings and we have half white, half Indian, half Mexican and Asian children. The worry is will other families be as excepting as your own. No one wants one of there own to have to go through the racism they have from other as well as there own race for being a little different.
Well, let’s see what happens when Condoleezza Rice, George Bush, Oprah, or Brad Pit goes to bars. Oh wait, they don’t. And even if they did, people would be so “star struck” they wouldn’t be able to carry a good conversation. It’s ok. It is very hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You should try it sometime though.
Steve, It is not surprising but nonetheless sad that you have such a fatalistic view of marriage. I believe the statistic which you generalized as “most” is actually closer to half of marriages ending in divorce. That still millions of people who stay married. I got married way too young in a rash moment that did not please my wife’s family – I proposed at 17, married at 20 – ten years on we are happily married largely because we saw that the fairytale of being “in love” forever may not be true, but that committment can sustain, renew, and even create a loving relationship that is life-giving and worth the work. Just because many people enter with an assumption that if one or the other partner decides they are tired of compromising or dealing with the hard work they can call it quits, does not negate the value of marriage.
Keith
My fiance is a strikingly pretty black girl from Mozambique, where we live. I’m white and in the 2 years of our relationship we encounter constant comments about being a mixed couple, not that hostile but always from young black men and some white women. Once in a while we catch a negative comment from older black ladies, but never younger girls. We don’t care about it that much, but we think it will be easier to live in Brazil and plan to move there together for a few reasons. We might find some disapproval there too now and then, but so what? By the way, the mixed relationship taboo is nothing in Africa compared to the dangerous reactions we encountered in USA from young black men! WOW! need to be careful there!
I am a Afro-American who has been happily married to a white woman for almost eight years. Our families have an excellent relationship – so much so that my wife calls my parents “Mum and Dad”. I call her parents by their first names (their preference), and they even gave me a key to their house (I since passed it on to my wife – she needs it more than I do).
My point is that a mixed marriags is just like any other marriage – except to people who have strong prejudices. Some years after we were married my mother-in-law told me that my father-in-law (ex-army), was initially opposed to the marriage because he had a negative view of black people. (He gained this view while serving in Louisiana where he ran into many black people that he did not like). Anyway, she told me then (and he has told me since), how I am like one of their own children to them. I can go to their house or call them at any hour, day or night; sit down and talk about anything and am frequently invited to their house – even if my wife is elsewhere.
My view of mixed marriages is to let the people in the marriage set the standards of the marriage. If your son or daughter wants to marry someone of a different race, religion, nationality or socioeconomic class – let them make that decision.
Before I met my wife my father had tried to essentially organize a marriage between myself and a woman that I had not seen since I was 10 and she was 6 or 7. (I am currently 41 years old – 42 in September). Dad had two major reasons for pushing this ‘relationship’. First, he know the girl’s parents well. Second, she was of the same race, colour, socioeconomic status and religion as I am. Needless to say, things did not work out because neither of us wanted to get married for such insubstantial reasons.
I have been dating my girlfriend for the last three years who is Creole and I am white. I agree with many of the callers today on World Have Your Say in terms of the main points that matter such as values, moral, lifestyle, and unity. She was Catholic, but now is Non-Denominational Church (Mega-Church)and my religion backgroud is United Church of Christ/Methodist Church. I have enjoyed learning about Catholicism from her and enjoy playing and being involved in a full body emersion baptism with her. In the past I have enjoyed playing music in Contemporary Christian Bands. I think our differences have taught me so many things and am sincerely greatful for it. I feel that our differences in music have opened up new worlds to both of us and think that if all our attitudes, interests, and lives were almost the same, there would not be as many opportunities for us to grow closer together as well as in our own personal lives and the lives of our families. Both our families have been very accomodating and encouraging our relationship through all of the stages thus far.
Samson by email January 15, 2008 at 6:45 pm
“If I want to marry someone my family would have no say. If they don’t like the person I am going to marry or live with I will disown them. They have no authority to decide whom I should love.
Samson”
I appreciate your spirit, me boy! That’s the way it should be, provided we can differentiate between love & lust! Assuming that we could; then that’s the way humans could achieve ‘World Peace’. BUT it isn’t easy! The genes (your & mine & that of all relevant actors) / the ‘hard-wiring’ in your ‘system’ WILL get in the way & WILL always bother you & those who are opposed!
BUT, as I said in the beginning, I appreciate….. Good Luck! & God Bless! Hope you find your ‘Delilah!
I guess I have a mixed marriage. I’m a practicing Catholic. My husband is a non-practicing Mormon. His daughters from a previous marriage are all practicing Mormons. My parents accepted my marriage for love well. The daughters have accepted me as well.
In this situation the only real hurdle left would be how we would/will raise children. We discussed it and our current plan is that they would be raised Catholic but my husband would be free to counter any Catholic belief he disagreed with and explain what Mormon belief is. I’ve told him that he can raise the kids Mormon if he wants. (I don’t have a problem with the religion) I just wouldn’t be the one taking him to church on Sunday if its a Mormon church. He’s not interested in being the one taking them to church.
I’m not sure how his parents would actually feel if we do have kids and raised them Catholic. I suspect they would struggle with it but they let their children make their own choices.
The last time racially mixed marriages were controversial was the ’60s. In the U.S. now no one bats an eye anymore, not even the Christian conservatives.
As my own ancestry attests — I’m a product of English, Irish, Scottish, French and German stock — the five cultures more likely to slit each other’s throat in the old world — Americans don’t feel inhibited about mixing up their DNA to keep the gene pool viable, or at least interesting.
One reason, most educated Americans are quick to point out, is that no one in the Americas actually comes from here, not even the Inca.
Louisville, KY, USA.
It is easy to say that mixed marriages are not taboo in any way in the United States. But there are definitely some obstacles still — minorities (like me) often feel that we are not “understood,” and white people are so often labeled as having “yellow fever” or a “fetish.” I don’t think we are at a point of full acceptance yet.
from Chicago
Totally off topic, but this link shows everything wrong with america in just one page.
http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=guy.wisdom&category=career.money&conitem=5d4f6063304d6110VgnVCM10000013281eac____
WHYS should discuss the rampant materialism and the GIVE ME THIS/I WANT THIS mentality that is destroying America and probably other places in the west.
I live in Trinidad in the Caribbean. My family is fourth generation originally from India, and my country is so mixed racially that there is no one majority. In the last one hundred years, we have gone from being a divided society that has little tolerance for mixing, to a divided society that is so indifferent that you end up with Hindu Indians and Muslim African couples, Christian White and Buddhist Chinese couples, and pretty much everything in between. For the most part, things run smoothly, but for purist families, there can be issues. These are in the minority. I come from a very religious Hindu family, but have Muslim and Christian in laws. In Trinidad, every family is so mixed that we all celebrate all the religious festivals, from Divali, to the Eids and to Christmas………………………of course, it’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn close! Just by the way…………..although I do not object to mixed relationships, I would not choose a partner who does not share my religious belief.
I do not care how you call it. Be it mixed marriage, color pigmentation, and so on. I like and support the union of male and female with no condition. I think it is a good solution for many issues the world is faced with now. Some countries are underporpulated, aging problems, more single parents, etc. Besides, the world is in dire need of multicultural families, communities, countries so as to promote the so-called globalization. With mixed marriage, I think we can agreed that we have contributed partially to the fight against discrimination. With mixed marriage, we will have established a network of different cultures. Because I like mixed relationship, I have and continue to make friends from different part of the world. Now, I have offered to promote mixed marriage with the current relationship I establishe a while ago. This is while, I always told my girlfriend that I am determine to build an imaginary bridge between her country and my country LIBERIA. It is a great job and upon completion, I will have established a natrual diplomatic relationship between the two countries. Brothers and Sisters, please take after me.
Word of advice about Texas-
There is an ugly systematic targeting of parents and children of “mixed race”.
Mixed families -Do not go there.
I am white, studied medicine abroad and speak from experience.
My US medical license has been blocked over 20 years and have retaliations daily.
Why subject yourselves to evil and felonies you can avoid?
Hello:
For the most part, mixed marriages are not a taboo here in the US. However, mixed marriages are a taboo in some subcultures here in the US. I cannot say much for Muslims, but what I can say is that Jews prefer that you marry other Jews. If, on the other hand, you and your spouse are interfaith and both of you are willing to work together in how you raise your children, then interfaith marriages among Jews is not a problem.
Even though John and I are Jews and we’re dark-skinned, we are still in a mixed marriage. I’m Asian and he’s Black American. I was adopted by a White family. Therefore, I was raised differently than I would’ve been as an Asian or how John was raised. To make a long story short, we had to work through our differences as we established our relationship. We also had to contend with my adopted family, who saw me as White. In their view, I had crossed the color line when John and I made our decision to get married.
What it all boils down to in a nutshell is that the partners have to decide whether or not they’re going to let social and/or cultural forces dictate what is taboo vs. what is acceptable. You’re never going to please everyone, so why not marry whoever you want regardless of their culture, religion, skin color, etc.
Linda
Minnesota
Hi WHYS,
Mixed relationships are still difficult in my country
Liberia because of the following reasons.
1) Religious
2) Difference Tribal background
3) Americo Liberians take themselves to
be superious.
RELIGIOUS REASONS
In Liberia, we have two main religious: Islam and Christianty.
The Islam which I am belong does not allow us to marry to Christian accept
converted to our religious.
On the other hand, the christian cant marry to a muslim accept converted
to their religious.
There is a popular music in Liberia now entitle Aminata I am in love but
I cant pray.This mean, A christian is in love with a muslim but he cant pray.
Musicians in our country are doing all this, just to discourage such belief.
Some christians and Muslims abandont their children because of this belief.
Some tribes in Liberia curse their children for marrying to their anta tribes.
Especially the Kran, Mano, Gio etc
Farsu donzo
In response to the gentleman who wrote in that he and his wife are moving to Texas and are concerned about how their mixed relationship will be accepted.
I have lived in Texas for 10 years and have seen many different reactions to mixed relationships. One of my best friends (she is Caucasian) was dating a Latino man. While traveling across Texas by car, they were pulled over for speeding in a small town. The police officer asked my friend to get out of the car and then questioned her about what she was doing with a “Mexican boy” and whether or not her “daddy knew who she was with.” Both my friend and her boyfriend, college graduates in their 30s, were understandably shocked.
On the other end of the spectrum, I have several friends in Houston who are in mixed relationships and have had very positive experiences in terms of general acceptance.
I understand the gentleman’s concern and wish him and his wife the best of luck.
Jess in Texas
Watch American movies. Blacks marries blacks. If mixed marriage are featured white man marries other races. White girls only marries white men. In one movie , white man asked chinese girlfriend, 1 billion chinese men. you can’t find one u like? forgotten the title of movie but white actor name is Richard Gere.
Max via text January 15, 2008 at 6:41 pm
“The taboo issue will always exist as long as we have different : religions, dietary habits (cant eat pork say), tribes, races etc. Only if these differences stop and we think of ourselves as citizens of earth will things change.”
Max. Singapore.
Here is a slightly longer (unabridged) version of the same view as sent to the HYS 500-charac. debate:
Added: Wednesday, 16 January, 2008, 14:20 GMT 14:20 UK
Mixed marriage will ALWAYS be taboo as long as we have different:
>Religions
>Races & Tribes
>Dietary habits (pork is proscribed by Muslims & Jews & beef by Hindus) &
>A ‘Holier than Thou’ chauvinism in religions. This is particularly true for the Abrahamic faiths & their view of others as ‘non-believers’.
The differences are reinforced by adults until they’re almost ‘hard wired’ in us.
If we ‘unify’ & teach children to think of themselves as Citizens of Earth, CHANGE will occur!!
[MaxMaxmilianMaximusI], Indian Caesar in, Singapore
Good day Madam, many thanks for alway writing me.I’m quite please with this interesting topic.I’m very sorry,that I am joining you, very late.I believe that my contribution will still count.Mixed marriage is not a taboo in my country.Marriage is a matter of choice.A woman has the right to choice a man she loves,but a man needs to take his time before making his choice.For example I am a christain.I have the right to marriage a Muslim.My family or country will not be against my choice.What many people are looking for in marriage is a woman who will make you happy.As long as you understand each other and your partner has all the qualities you need,then your happiness will begin.If you make a wrong choice because you need a woman from your church or tribe,your hell fire will begin the day you are getting marriage till when it will be separated.Religion or colour does not matter in marriage.Mixed marriage is encouraged in my country.Even though everything has, its advantages and disadvantages,Marriage has much to do with individual choices. At the moment, I have been very busy.Kindly,permit me to write you tomorrow more on this topic.
I am having communication problems to get in touch with you.Please notify me through this mobile number, with a text message or call,so that, I can participate fully in all your programmes.
Have a great day.
Best regards
Fonjong Terence Tah
Cairo
Jess in Texas-
The people of Texas are not the problem or danger.
Systematic alteration of grades and test scores after the fact, alteration of FASFAS, defrauding a diploma for an honors student, use of government agencies to harass, steal, withhold mail, tap phones, default loans using the Greenville office of student loans, demands to join racketeering, threats through officials of public trust, retaliations to seeking redress to grievances, obstruction of justice, systematic felonies against the family in direct relation to theft of records, correspondence, evidence of official oppression, are only a few of the myriad of targeting techniques.
The use of the Talent Identification Program to identify gifted minority students then recruit them to Texas Academy of Math and Science to commit daily crimes, felonies, to defraud and harm them is a form of predatory child abuse based on the racial doctrine “to prevent minorities from taking over math and science” and is totally protected by the obstruction of justice by officials of public trust, both state and federal in Texas.
You have been in Texas 10 years. My ancestors founded Houston.
I’m troop a 64 year old euro-american. At 50 I went to the Philippines and met a young 19 year old young Asian lady. We married, and since then I have not had one bad day. We have a wonderful 11 year old son who is a total joy to both of us.
What is truly remarkable is that my dear wife never had any problems what so ever adapting to life in America. She learned the language and culture and is very at home here. Everyone in town love her. Everyone in town knows her, (she works at the local bank).
It might be well to mention that she comes from a wonderful, but very poor family. She was the youngest of 12 children and all the brothers and sisters treated me very, very well as if I was born into the family.
She does get mad at me and angry, but bottom line it is always just a short lasting blow up, and then she returns to the true sweetheart that she is. I cannot for the life of me get mad at her or little boy. I look at them and just melt. They are the two most wonderful parts of a very, very full life and the absolute best part.
troop in Oregon
Hi Ros,
We are talking about very different beliefs when we talk about inter-religion marriages. People who go for it are the people who are not very religious or they think so. But once they have children it is a whole different story. Personally I feel that the children of mixed marriages either are very well rounded or just torn between the separate religions and follow what the dominant parent follows.
Thanks,
Pratima
You know, if we only produce children of another race, racism will be eradicated within two generations (to get all the races in).
The sooner this happens, the better.