We’re off air now, but please keep posting your comments.
IS YOUR CHILD SAFE. RIGHT NOW. IS HE, OR SHE, ACTUALLY SAFE ?
Today we’re devoting a big chunk of the programme to a question: do you protect, or rather overprotect your children.The reason I ask is that youngsters are missing out on their childhood because we do just that: we bubble-wrap them, to keep them safe. A child play expert is claiming a reluctance to let children take risks could stop them developing vital skills needed to protect themselves. Tim Gill’s new book says that instead of creating a “nanny state” we should build a society where communities look out for each other and youngsters. The book explores several key areas, including children’s play, anti-social behaviour and fear of strangers. In No Fear: Growing Up in a Risk Averse Society, Mr Gill argues that childhood is being undermined by the growth of risk aversion and its intrusion into every aspect of children’s lives. Some parents are afraid of letting their children play unsupervised.But through encountering risks, children learn how to overcome challenging situations, nurturing their character and fostering a sense of adventure, resilience and self-reliance. Mr Gill says that restricting children’s play limits their freedom of movement, corrodes their relationships with adults and constrains their exploration of physical, social and virtual worlds.What do you think ? Do you worry for your childrens safety ? What lengths WOULDN’T you go to to safeguard your kids ? Let us know your opinion.
BLOOD, GUTS, GORE — YES PLEASE.
Also, not on the show as such, but more of a talking point. Remember the original Haloween movie with a young Jamie Lee Curtis being chased around by a man in a mask, slashing all and sundry, like death was on special that day. Buy one, get one free. Slashers Are Us. Anyway, that movie is 25 years old this week, and there’s a special 4 CD boxed set being released too. It all comes together with the new Cronenberg film — a man known for his blood, guts and dark themes. It’s called Eastern Promises, it’s set here in London and is based around a story about the Russian Mafia. It’s dark too, sinister and as one of the guys in the WHYS office said this morning “when it’s gory, it’s REALLY gory”. MMMmmm, yes well….
What occurs to me is that films have become so much more violent since the original Haloween a quarter of a centuary ago, but WHY ? Are we all immune to violence, is it a male thing, do we need violence on screen because of our own bottled-up emotions that we cant get rid of any other way ? There’s no delicate way to ask this but why do we like blood and guts — the more blood and guts the better. You go to any cinema multiplex and I bet you 2 of the 6 films wouldn’t be anything you want your children to see. But we grown ups flock top them, or do we ?
Tell us what you think, as ever via the usual contact details.
BBCNEWS.COM/WORLDHAVEYOURSAY
TEXT: +44 77 86 20 60 80
PHONE: +44 20 70 83 72 72
Later, Peter 🙂
RSS feed
BBC World Have Your Say 
They way parents parent these days, society is going to be full of obese, self absorbed people. I loathe the day that the first Dylan, Tyler or Connor becomes a President, for we will know that we’ve hit rock bottom here in the US. It’s amazing how bad people parent these days, and I think it relates to the discipline issue discussed last week. I saw a bunch of kids at a haunted house, and they were all basically wild, horribly behaved, virtually all were fat, they had “trendy” names. I don’t have much confidence in our future. Parenting has hit rock bottom. I mean, really half of the girls had bare midriff shirts showing their overweight stomachs. They have thongs for three year olds these days. What is wrong with parents?
I don’t think gory movies are necessarily better. Doesn’t make it scarier. I’m still scared to death by The Shining, and there isn’t much graphic violence. Just the concept, and the creepiness of the little girls, and the hotel, that makes the movie still so scary for me to watch. I remember watching it as a child when it was new and I couldn’t sleep for a week. I used to watch many war movies, lots of death, but it wasn’t graphic. I think it does a disservice, because it glosses over the horrors of war. If you watch The Longest Day and compare it with Saving Private Ryan, you just see someone in the former just fall over, a “glorious” death, whereas in the latter, you see a horrific death, it’s just more realistic of what the soldiers faced, if anything the more graphic the movie is, the more it would do to discourage war, because watching the Longest Day almost makes war seem glorious, and that dying in it “isn’t that bad” when in reality there are some really horrible ways to die, and while they both dealt with very similar things, Saving Private Ryan was a “make you think” movie, they risked all of those lives just to save one person, whereas The Longest Day was about the good guys defeating the bad guys. I think the bloodier a war movie is, the more it’s like Wilfred Owen’s poem, Dulce et decorum est, which basically is summed up at the end referring to dying for your country as being “sweet and fitting” as an “old lie” based on Owen’s experiences at the front in WW1 seeing poison gas being used.
Today’s children are growing up with the threat of sexual predators, terrorists and mad cow disease, most of it created by a press that can sell more copy with fear instead of fact. I miss the good old days when all we had to worry about was nuclear war.
In the past, upbringing started in the family. Today upbringing starts on television. In the past, kids would look at their parents and listen as they spoke. Today, everybody looks at the television set and all silence one another if a handsome actor is speaking or a ravishing songstress is singing. Today the Koran is television. The Bible is television. The Truth is television. Happiness is television. And if you don’t look like the people you like on television, then you don’t belong to the world of today. That’s perhaps why the Taleban banned television.
But television could be wonderful. It could help put the disordered world into order. It could make our world a better world. It could do all that and more if it weren’t like the one I know. The television I know could only put the already disordered world into a little more disorder.
—
By watching television everyday one might get the feeling that “successful” people are already there––filling the TV screen with their glamour and beatific smiles, and there’s just nothing left for a poor televiewer to dream of.
A poor girl might feel that she’d never become like her (famous, glamorous) idolized actress (who has millions of fans all over the world). What would she do then? I don’t know, but perhaps –and I’m sorry to say it– she might probably turn to cheap sex. Some girls, you know, sell their body to Internet sex websites “businessmen”. Others would display their bodily treasures on a personal blog or a skyblog. Another group would post their best (and less impudent) pics and intimate personal information on “professional” sites specialized in finding people mates and pen-pals. What about males?
Well, they too join in the chorus. They too join in the sex game, since it’s easier than obtaining a university degree. That’s why we have more porn stars than people like Bill Gates or J.K Rawlings. And there’s no sex –or almost– without drugs. Cocaine, Marijuana and the like are easy ways to make one feel that he/she has “fulfilled” all his/her dreams. Otherwise, how could one have even the opportunity to dream? Not by watching television, anyway.
It just seems that there is a hysteria surrounding children and child safety. Yes there are dangers to them as there always has been, but are they any more serious and frequent than they were say 20 years ago? Judging by media reports and how parents discuss this issue, you would think that sex offenders are dropping out of the trees on every street corner. A child is more likely to be abused (that is the main worry to safety one would guess) by someone they know and trust either at school or at home. A realistic approach to safety and common sense are appropriate measures not hysteria.
Could it be that by isolating her daughter in a Christian school until she was 15 years old, she set her up to a) be vulnerable to the pressures of the real world having never experienced them.
b) created such a rebellion in her child that she would have found a way to act out no matter what?
How can one protect their children when there’s rampant ghetto mentality? Recently in Cleveland, a 15 year old girl was stabbed to death by a 17 year old. Meanwhile the 17 year old’s mother, grandmother, and brother held the crowd back with tasers, knives and bats. When you have an ignorant culture that cultivates violence how do you suggest we reclaim our streets and get rid of this influence?
The problem with children is that they all mature at very different rates. It is very difficult to say that someone is being too free with their children unless you know the children well. I know, for instance, that my parents used to let me bike through the neighborhood to the pool when I was 8 years old. I never felt that there was anything unsafe about that, and it certainly opened the world to me. When we live in a country where protective services can be called simply for allowing your children in the front yard, or parents are arrested for letting their kids ride to a neighbors house, we have gone way way too far.
Children must be allowed to explore things, to have some adventure. However, parents must know what their children are into and what kind of friends they have. Children are children, they may not realise that they are overdoing things.
With the comming of the internet, there are many stalkers out there and children do fall prey to them. Its therefore important for parents to know what there children are into and be able to provide effective guidance.
Finally, children must be allowed and encouraged to play outdoor games rather than have them sit watching TV all day (with a bowl of fries or popcorns in front them.). The TV room may appear to be a safe place for them but its just storing up problems for the future.
Lovemore,
Lusaka,
Zambia.
Parents need to realise that they make a committment to protect their offspring for at least 18 yrs. It feels like society does everything to take parents away from their childrens lives. We bus them to school, we feed them in school and in some schools we cloth them. Where is the parent..! We need to start appreciating parenting more. At least one parent should be able to stay at home and take care of their children until they are in school. Why are we sending our children out to have other people raise them!
June
With all due respect, I think there are other staff mebers of WHYS that would be far more suited to present the show instead of Peter Dobbie. Pressing a contributor to call her daughter at work was out of touch and irritating. Ros and Anu have set a standard of non-bias presentation and professionalism that Peter has yet to grasp.
I know Ros can’t always be there and Anu is gone, but there are many others at WHYS that could maintain a higher standard and even keeled approach as host.
Children who are allowed to take physical risks will have an easier time with emotional risks as they get older. For example the six year old who can get themselves out of a tree will be more able to get out of a bad relationship as a young adult.
A major part of a child’s development cycle stems from rebelling against there parents. I think that by over protecting your child you could in a sense be pushing them away.
I don’t have children myself but when I do I will encourage them to inquire of things and try to teach them good judgement.
In line with your subject this morning, I submit the following, which was sent to me as a joke, but which has more than a grain of truth.Subject: 1967 vs 2007
Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school
parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1967 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his
car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail
and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up
best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge
them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the
Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for
ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to
college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster
care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister thay she
remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom
has affair with psychologist.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1967 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car
searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear
nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for
graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state
school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core
curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a
living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July,
puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1967 - Ants die.
2007 - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland Security and
FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates
parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad
goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his
knee.He is found crying by his teacher, Heather. Heather hugs him to
comfort him.
1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Heather is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her
job.She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of
therapy.
I am a 15 year old exchange student in Germany. As a young teenager, I have felt restricted and overprotected numerous times in my short life, but with the benefit of hindsight and maturity, I realize that most of what my parents have done was necessary and reasonable. Clearly, my parents loosened up enough to allow me to live abroad for 10 months and have told me that they trust my judgement enough now to keep myself safe and make smart choices. I think that independence is incredibly important and valuable for children and teenagers, and too often squashed, but it all requires balance.
I don’t believe the world today is any more dangerous than the world 50 years ago. All these seemingly dangerous activities only seem that way due to a “generational difference” between parent and child that has always existed. Elvis and The Beatles were seen as dangerous fifty years ago but now seem more than tame. I believe children today are far more sophisticated than we give them credit for and this will continue generation to generation as Mass Media, Ethics, Morals and children’s reaction to stimulus and experience becomes more developed causing an overall increase in tolerance of stimulus. As for nurturing independence at a young age in order to show allow children to become more independent in adulthood is all but false. There is no way to prepare yourself for some things in this life and if you are subjected to a bad relationship it is only yourself that can mature through experience. As far as the overarching fear of parents to today’s world this is due mainly to the absurd attention to terrorism, disease, predators, global catastrophes and the like by the Mass Media. This is a form of the simplest control and it seems to work.
This brings back some memories for me. Not all parents are overprotective. Remember that kid who was stopped recently with an arsenal of weapons in Pennsylvania? His mother apparently bought him some of the guns! I wasn’t even allowed to have a chemistry set!
Anyways, that story reminded me of someone who lived near me when I was a child. I went over to his house with a friend who lived in his neighborhood, and the parents were gone, and they were ex military, and there were just guns everywhere. One of the kids there, who was probably 4 at the time was playing with a REAL gun. I remember he came out of a walk in closet holding a revolver (unloaded) but was pointed at me.
There were guns everywhere, though I’m sure the parents had locked up the ammo. So I would have thought. When one of those kids got older, there was a situation and they had to have a SWAT team come in, though I believe it was resolved peacefully, one of the kids when he was older held the parents hostage and it was in the news. So I think some parents could be a little more protective as well, especially that mother in Pennsylvania.
Kids who are over protected also tend to be spoiled and don’t know how to do anything. I remember another friend of mine who was never allowed to go outside, would never play, even in high school, his parents would refuse to let him go out, we weren’t allowed to go into his house. Well, I roomed with him for a semester in university abroad in London, and he absolutely didn’t know how to function. He didn’t know how food was cooked. To make tea, he put water in a saucepan and then stuck a tea bag in it, rather than thinking of boiling water and putting it into a cup and then put the teabag in it. Didn’t know how to clean, or wash clothes. He basically learned from me and other people in our program.
So I think it’s possible to undo the damage that parents can do, but it’s not easy, and really shouldn’t be the responsibility of other people to undo the damage that parents do.
Maybe it’s just a realization, how negative it may be, that people are evil? I realize not all of this protectionism is about the dangers of other people, and is from hurting themselves playing, etc, but a lot of it is from other people. I was speaking with someone recently about the nature of people, and I posed him the question, “Do you think people are generally good?” and he unreservedly said that he believed the vast majority of people are good. I then followed up my question with “would you let the first person you see walking out that door babysit your child?” and he said, “absolutely not” and I tried to get him to reconcile his two answers, and basically he didn’t believe what he had said, but still tries to paint an overly rosy picture of humanity, while knowing he doesn’t believe it.
Steve, U.S
By the logic of this book, each of these children who learns his/her lessons independently when young should not apply this learning once he/she becomes a parent. To the woman who was date-raped, please do warn your daughter and all of her friends of this possibility.
We are hearing concern from many women, not as much concern from men–is there a gender-related question surrounding ‘mothers’ intuition’ that should be asked? not to mention girls’ vulnerability and status in many cultures and their accepted ‘secondary’ status which submits them to what I perceive as increased danger? I am not a parent.
Yes, children are overprotected. You had a woman on the show from Texas, I belive her name was Linda. She had kept her daughter isolated at a christian only school. Then dropped her into public school and she became involved in gangs and potentially drugs. She had never learned discernment or to judge people because he had never been exposed to a wide variety of people. Then you throw her to the wolves with no foundation or judgement, and you blame the wolves! Her experience is your responsibility.
Yes, we are ALL, not just children, at greater risk. But we don’t prepare our children for that and help them develop maturity if they don’t know what is going on around them. I am not saying We have more kids going to college totally unprepared to care for themselves, we have more selfish misguided teens, and young adults that have no coping skills and expect some counselor to jump to their defense when they arrive at the workplace and everyone does not get along. Too late!
Children need GUIDANCE, not protection.
People, while trying to make their offsprings perfect, are messing with nature’s mechanism of growth.
Children should be allowed to tread an unknown path; if parents really care for their kids grow out of fear.
They should be allowed to do things own their own; even if they may hurt themselves while doing so – that’s the only way how an organism learns in nature.
And there are no 100% safe practises even if one wished for.
deevas.hi5.com
i m a nepali and in nepal childrens gfets a seperate kinds of guidence in comparison of western side …… here parents usually beat there chindrens because he is not good as the kids of the neighbours they only want the results even by exploiting the child right they some time beat the child and some time starve them …..not all are same but i m writting abt the typical nepali …..but i have heared that beating the kids in western countries is illigag …….by u can write me ur personal views…
Jennifer
The level of protection parents put on their children in today’s world is ridiculous. I was a child who was free to roam until around the age of 9 when the Anglo-European world started to become obsessed with protection and then I could barely go down to the local shop one block away!!! The culture of fear has gripped parents and its not based on reality but based on a lot of TV shows and news programs demonstrating that the world is not safe for children by blowing up tragedies such as Jean Benet Ramsey and Madeliene McCann.