Are children losing out on affection because we’re too quick to shout ‘child abuse’?

brazilAn Italian father might be facing 15 years in jail for kissing his eight-year-old daughter in public in the coastal city of Fortaleza, in the north-east of Brazil.His Brazilian wife says the case is all a misunderstanding.

The Italian tourist was reported to the police by a Brazilian couple who claimed he had been touching a young girl inappropriately and had kissed her on the mouth while they were both at a swimming pool.

The north-east of Brazil has for some years had a problem of paedophiles travelling to the area, often from overseas, and strongly-worded warnings about the penalties for exploiting children are posted in most hotels.

Were the couple right to report the father? This blogger says he’s won’t be going to Brazil anytime soon as he loves to hug and kiss his kids too much.

Are children losing out on affection because we’re too quick to shout ‘child abuse’?

18 Responses to “Are children losing out on affection because we’re too quick to shout ‘child abuse’?”

  1. 1 anu_d
    September 7, 2009 at 11:23

    I agree with thr premise of the question,…we should be free to exhibit more freedom in loving and reprimanding our kids.

    However the story of whiote Italiand with his black Brazilian step daughtrer, see “touching” and kissing on the lips does sound suspicious

  2. 2 Dennis Junior
    September 7, 2009 at 12:22

    Are children losing out on affection because we’re too quick to shout ‘child abuse’?

    Yes, We are very afraid to show affection to the children, because of the implication of “shouting” child-abuse….

    =Dennis Junior=

  3. 3 Dennis Junior
    September 7, 2009 at 12:51

    Also, to further the point that (no one) has talked about here on the blog about this story; Is that this region in Brazil over the past x # of years has been a victim of Child Sex Abuse cases and, the people are doing the prudent thing and reporting any type of “mysterious” cases like this to the authorities….

    =Dennis Junior=

  4. September 7, 2009 at 13:22

    There are limits to how parents should show affections towards their children. A passionate show of affection through unreserved touches of children reaching a certain age can be seen as a form of abuse. It’s one thing for a father to have a light kiss on his daughter’s cheek or forehead and it’s another to hug her tightly and kiss her on the mouth repeatedly. For a mother to hug her daughter and put her head on her breast looks perfectly normal in private or in public.

    It’s true parents own their children but they shouldn’t be excessive in loving them, There are other ways to communicate with them. There are games, talk and other shared activities that can show children that their parents care about them. Too much physical contact between parents and children culminating in intimate touches is rather pervert. It’s the same as a father taking a shower with his daughter, which is still unacceptable, at least in many cultures.

  5. 7 Gibbering eejot
    September 7, 2009 at 13:38

    How many times have you seen a couple, or family ( man & woman, or variations thereof ) express affection for each other openly in public – be it holding holds, kissing, caressing, etc,. I ask myself, If this is a modern trend or more defining of a cultural trait, and if so, is this why this event is seen as abnormal ?

  6. 8 Dennis Junior
    September 7, 2009 at 13:40

    Were the couple right to report the father?

    2 Sides:

    1} Yes, the couple was very much correct and right to report their suspicions to the Authorities…

    2} No, I think that the couple should kept there nose out of the affairs of this father……

    =Dennis Junior=

  7. 9 scmehta
    September 7, 2009 at 13:44

    The pedophiles have made the social environ so suspicious and vicious that it is becoming increasingly difficult to show affection or win faith ; even the near & dear ones as well as the kith & kin of young children could be at peril, lest they be subjected to suspicion and unwarranted condemnation from any quarter. However, it is best to remain watchful and on-guard against any kind of sexual exploitation or abuse of the kids; And by the way, the kids themselves also are the best judges about any person’s offensive or abusive behaviour, provided we are wise, kind and tactful enough in questioning or interrogating them.

  8. 10 Jennifer
    September 7, 2009 at 14:31

    Re: Are children losing out of affection because we are too quick to shout child abuse?


    I think this couple did what they believed to be best; however it may have been within their cultural/personal understanding of what was appropriate behavior between a father and daughter. Some families do kiss on the mouth…..What does raise a read flag is the touching intimately; without knowing that it’s hard to say if I think he should have even been arrested.

  9. 11 patti in cape coral
    September 7, 2009 at 14:34

    Sadly, I think it is bette to err on the side of caution nowadays, there are so many abuse cases. I don’t know if kids are losing out on affection, I just think that kids will probably see different behavior at home than they do in public, where parents may feel pressure to behave in a more “standoffish” way.

  10. 12 Bram
    September 7, 2009 at 14:49

    Paedophiles are scum, let that be clear. However, there is an obvious subtext to this story, which is often and conveniently overlooked. People who invite suspicion for showing affection to children are ALWAYS…men. This comes with the view, firmly established in the West, which holds that ALL men are potential rapists, paedophiles, and not much else. A pity to see this spreading to societies that still regard men as useful contributors to society, an idea that no longer exists in the West. The losers are, of course, the children.

  11. 13 Gibbering eejot, again
    September 7, 2009 at 14:51

    I think it says more about feeling the pressure of being judged by others, which will leave a lasting impression in a lack of confidence on youngsters.

    So much for showing how to love and be loved, huh?

  12. 14 Dinka Aliap Chawul-Kampala,Uganda
    September 7, 2009 at 17:13

    A man Kissing his daughter in a deep water like that has a very difference interpretations,this like Mom kissing her 8years old son,that is not parental loves,its parental exploitations.Police acts in law & now justice must take it cause under a rape charges because he had act in an immoral way which is mount to attempted rape.

  13. 15 r.y.
    September 7, 2009 at 17:17

    Children are losing out on human contact and normal social interaction because even parents are made criminals publicly for behhaving like parents behave.I doubt if I’m the only one who is afraid to say something to a child in public,even when it would be apprpriate.Or seeing a child with a parent who has bad parenting skills being abused to some degree.True,you want to try to comfort an upset child,but even if a soothing tone of voice worked,three minutes comfort in a life of regular bad treatment means nothing. Mothers are neurotic and over-protective in America.This is a common way they demonstrate”they care about the child.”And other adults are afraid any contact but unavoidable contact with a child will make other people think they’re perverts,or might be thinking of”stealing”a child.The odds are good we’ll get it right,because just how long can a”wrong”streak go unbroken?

  14. September 7, 2009 at 17:19

    We seem to overdo everything these days, you’re afraid to talk to children or look at them or in any way show attention towards children. It’s a shame that older people are really not allowed to communicate with children. They are delightful and have something to say, However, the thought police have stopped that.
    I was in a coffee shop when a mother and I assume the grandmother wheeled in a beautiful looking child of about 18 months. The child was so beautiful and dressed to perfection I had to comment. I said to the mother what a beautiful baby she is so picture gorgeous you could sell it on the internet. (I was referring to the picture post card of the child) She later called the police. Fortunately for me I am well known at the coffee shop and a daily customer. It was sad to see that a simple comment was blown out of all proportion.

  15. 17 David
    September 7, 2009 at 18:10

    Soon we will be told “don’t go near your child”. Give instructions from a metre away. Blow a kiss and don’t be near your children.

    Rubbish. What has the world come to? When I tightly hold my children and grand children I feel love in my heart for them. Now you are telling me don’t kiss the child. How about if the child comes to give you a smuchy kiss? You tell the child no “you can not kiss me”?

    Whose cultures are we upholding?

  16. 18 vijay pillai
    September 8, 2009 at 09:40

    You are aboslutely right.I remember my late brother was a pet of my great grand father’s younger brother who had no children of his own when my brother was 3 or 4. Me as his elder brother when i was 12 or 13 accepted as giving this relative a chance to show his affection that would have bottled up in his heart but i used to go wih him for shooting pigeon,while he shoot and kill in one go,i used to pick the dead pigeon and no doubt tasted cooked ones.That was almost 5 decades ago.

    These days people are cautious because it can be interpreted wrongly,but i have seen men go hand in hand with their young daughers but his wife nowhere to be seen or miles behind.

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