She is a leading South Korean actress and today Ok So-ri has been given an 8 month suspended prison sentence for adultery. In South Korea adultery is a criminal offence punishable by up to 2 years in prison. The country’s top judges have always ruled that adultery is damaging to social order, and the offence should therefore remain a crime. But should it?
Some people argue, and indeed have made a living out of saying, infidelity keeps a marriage alive and can actually make it stronger.
This really hones in on the sanctity of marriage – is it worse to be unfaithful to your wife or husband, than it a partner you live with or are in a long term relationship with?
This obviously raises moral, religious and health implications. As many countries fight the aids epidemic, especially in Africa, would criminalising adultery make people more or less likely to practice safe sex if they had an affair?
Is it a person’s right to make their own decisions about whether they remain faithful, or a government’s duty to intervene and enforce it?
Some interesting stats for you:
* In the United States, laws vary from state to state. In those States where adultery is still on the statute books, even though they are rarely prosecuted, the penalties vary from life sentence (Michigan), 2 years imprisonment (Pennsylvania), or a fine of $10 (Maryland). In the U.S. Military, adultery is a potential court-martial offense.
* In some countries, including Korea, and Taiwan, adultery continues to be a crime, though prosecutions are very rare.
* In Pakistan, adultery is a crime under the Hudood Ordinance. The Ordinance sets a maximum penalty of death, although only imprisonment and corporal punishment have ever actually been imposed.
* In Indian law, adultery is defined as sex between a man and a woman without the consent of the woman’s husband. The man is prosecutable and can be sentenced for up to 5 years (even if he himself was unmarried) whereas the married woman can not be jailed.
Should adultery be a crime?
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BBC World Have Your Say 
OMG this question should be a crime. How archaic can we be as humans. Is the funding running out to support the war on drugs … now we will have the sex police …GET OVER IT!!!!!!!
I don’t think it should be a crime, but I think it should be a factor in divorce, where the adultering party loses economically in a divorce instead of the no fault r ules we tend to have. so you can currently have a spouse cheat, then file for divorce, then get paid alimony from the noncheating spouse. That only encourages infidelity if you can get financially rewarded as a result of it.
But criminal? No way.
It’s amazing that the S Korean authorities have pressed ahead with this appalling and insulting case.
If they wanted to make themselves look like a third-world tinpot Banana Republic, they did a grand job!
Although I find adultery despicable, I find “adultery is damaging to social order” a bit extreme, more like social control by government concerning something that is a private matter to be resolved by the affected parties.
In many situations adultery is percieved as (moraly) wrong. But this is a problem that should be solved by the people themselfs and not by the state. Because laws are affecting the entire poppulation and just devine something as being wrong, an person can not decide what would be accepteble in their live and community. Furthermore do I think that adultery is just a symptom of a relationship that is not working. Although maybe not the best way to handel this problem, a government should not use laws like this to keep people in unhappy relationships.
It should only be a crime if no shoe-throwing is involved.
(Incidentally may I say that many Americans are very happy the shoes were thrown at Bush.)
A crime? Are you kidding? Sure it is morally as wrong as lying or working on Sunday, but it is not a case for the law. In the US laws made by free men for free men (and women) are designed to keep one citizen from infringing upon the rights of another citizen. Many will argue how pre-emptive those laws should be. (Should drunk driving be illegal because it might lead to the death of an otherwise innocent citizen? Should drugs be illegal because they may lead to theft and homicide?)
It is of no concern to the state to control the activities of two consenting adults, where disease or child welfare are not at issue. In the US the consequences of adultery are felt in court, in social circles, and in financial turmoil. There is no need to add another layer of impossible legislation to the mix.
If the state legislates morality and individuality, why bother letting people have children. Why wouldn’t the state just clone an individual they deem “perfect” and allow only state raised citizens to exist? You know make a perfect race.
If anyone in a relationship feels the need to go outside of that relationship to fulfill needs, then the problem lies in the relationship. If they can’t be discussed and worked out then the relationship should be over. If the other member in the relationship thinks they can stop a cheater they are wrong! They can try, and get mad, and try to get even, but they almost always cheat again. If a resolution can’t be made between those involved, then they would be better off in the long run to go their own ways.
A criminal offensive punishable by imprisonment no. But it should be a factor in deciding divorce settlements and child custody.
I think that it should not be a crime.
There should be more to a marriage than sex, and if sexual infidelity is a problem then the marriage is weak anyway.
I believe that in a marriage, engaging in sexual activity outside the marriage is a healthy thing so long as it is done with consent of both partners.
Such rules are no doubt implemented by men (it is a mans world after all) who were so inadequate that the only way to stop their wives from straying was to enact such laws.. booooooh !
Hello James the Kenyan
Adultery should not be a crime punishable by law.However Biblically its wrong but what a man or woman does with his body should not be for the judge to decide his fate. Let our moral agency be our judge not man.
James the Kenyan
let ones moral agency be the judge not a fellow human i think that is wrong to judge a person in court over adultery.However I still know the Bible condemns it so do I but for the law to judge no way
I guess that would depend on the part of the world one lives. If you’re in a conservative country you definitely expect to be stoned to death. Here in Liberia a lot of people frown on adultery publicly, but the vast majority of married people, even the most religious among us maintain extra marital relationships. Quite hypocritical!
I don’t like the idea of being jailed for adultery. When it occurs, it’s most likely because there are other emotional/relational problems within the people involved. I took part in an affair because I was hurting from other parts of my life and I believe the married man I saw was too. When we work hard to heal ourselves and our relationships instead of attempting to escape them with bad behaviors, we can be content with monogamy and dedicated to the partners we choose.
The shoes furore yesterday, and criminalising adultery today?
As exciting as WHYS’s venture into the world of tabloid journalism is proving, aren’t there more important (even if less titillating) stories that could do with being addressed, and re-addressed?
Chechnya? DR Congo? Somalia? The systematic persecution of religious minorities in the Muslim world? The Sudanese government’s compounding genocide & organised rape with a new slave trade
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7783278.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7786612.stm
Stories that ask, ‘Should the whole world behave just like the West’ are as provocative & pointless as their counterparts, ‘Should we in the West pretend to find merit in the quaint customs of non-Westerners.’ Each question needs a ‘No’, not a programme. Please reconsider this new direction of tabloid unseriousness in a world crying out for serious consideration of real issues.
Its marriage that should be seen as a crime!
and before you get all het up, let me remind you that TRUE love between two people should never have to be sanctioned by paperwork…and YES this is what it boils down to…a woman becomes a man’s “property” after having been “given away” by the womans father.
As a woman, I find it insulting to be considered a “thing” to be bartered, bought, sold and/or exchanged.
Adultery is a crime only in so far as a woman “belongs” to a man.
(And lets face it, marriage per se has never been able to guarantee that one or the other of the partners won’t sleep around.)
Re: Should adultery be a crime?
Yes, it should be.
Re: Is it worse to be unfaithful to your wife or husband, than it is to a partner you live with or are in a long term relationship with? Being unfaithful is being unfaithful; I don’t see that the difference in relationships make the betrayal worse. However, cohabitation is not a good thing!
Re: would criminalising adultery make people more or less likely to practice safe sex if they had an affair?
I think the answer to this question would depend on many things not just knowledge of being a criminal for cheating. How many people consistently practice safe sex anyway? Would someone be more concerned about that or about being charged with a crime. It seems to me that I’d be more concerned about not betraying the trust of the person I cared about.
It seems to me that we have become so accustomed to having choices-birth control, etc. to protect us that we have created problems in trying to advance ourselves. Seeing marriage as a pony show these days is one of this self created problems.
Yes I think so. that is betraying some one’s trust. If murder, theft and LYING are crimes, then why not adultery? Commiting adultery is breaking a marriage contract. It is a crime on many levels, the relationship level, the family level and the society level. Of course it is a crime. My main concern is proof of adultery and suitable punishment. How do you determine what constitutes adultery? Is it a Kiss, a carress, or full scale sexual intercourse.
@ VictorK
Aren’t we all westerners eventually? I mean the world is round…
In the absence of a theocratic government, morality should not be legislated. What’s next, jailing people for not going to church on Sunday?
In India, having sex with someone other than the legal partner is a crime. It doesn’t matter whether it is named adultery or prostitution. I don’t know where BBC got the above information on India. The thing is everyone has to abide by the rule of law. If something stupid comes up like the korean case, it should be seen from he korean angle only and be discussed within that society about repealing such a law. It is not a subject to be discussed on international forum. I know BBC overacts and underacts sometimes! Hey, there is no alternative to BBC for almost impartial news coverage and discussions compared to other media houses.
hi, everyone! 😀
Regarding today’s topic, I’d say I don’t really agree with adultery, in spite of all the evidence of its advantageous consequences to marriage (which are sick, in my opinion). When you decide to share your whole life with a person, you must respect that vow: your body is theirs, and their body is yours. I think, however, it’s a matter from couples. Authorities shouldn’t poke their nose in that kind of issue, as it belongs to the couple.
They’re the ones who should solve it and consider whether a second chance is possible or not. Anyway, events like this reveal how the couple might be – or what each member of the couple is like. Social disorder? Hmm… Maybe, but they should concentrate in more serious issues. Adultery and its solution is personal, I think.
I agree with VictorK… There are more situations to inquire about, serious issues not only to consider, but also to propose solutions, which is what we really need!
🙂 Cheers!
Please reconsider this new direction of tabloid unseriousness in a world crying out for serious consideration of real issues.
@VictorK
Exactly, as I told above, BBC overacts or underacts sometimes. I still remember the times when BBC chose to use Bombay instead of Mumbai when the name was changed. That is underaction. When Mumbai was attacked, they termed the terrorists as gun men! That is overaction! When BBC can not learn how to behave on ocassions, how can we expect conservative societies to be like western socities?
Adultery isn’t good. how can we condone it. Though it seems it is rampant but it shouldn’t be accepted as a normalcy.
Dolapo Aina,
Lagos,Nigeria
Making adultery a crime and punishable by law would be a waste of court time, which is something we in the US do not tolerate. 🙂
@ Leti:
I understand why you don’t like marriage, but I think it’s excessive to say it is a crime. It’s just a formal way in which a basic institution sets off their life. It’s a vow in which a couple expresses not only their love but also their compromise to each other. When thngs are not taken seriously, problems such as adultery turn up.
I’ve met people with happy and faithful marriages and no regrets. I’ve also met people who are seriously hurt after being cheated. I’ve even felt it! Even children suffer when their parents are involved in adultery.
It’s all a matter of respect to yourself and respect to your couple / family. If you don’t feel like doing so, just refrain from being married, but it doesn’t mean then that marriage is a mistake.
🙂 Cheers!
I wonder how the sponsors of the radio show I listen to in the AM would be recieved in these particular nations. This radio show currently is sponsored by an online dating website designed for married people, so they can have affairs.
If you look at the statistics, it’s more likely than not that your marriage will have infidelity in it.
http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationships/percentage-of-married-couples-who-cheat-on-each-ot.html
If this is acceptable as a crime, then we should be preparing ourselves for the thought police.
I must agree with VictorK.
Is the WHYS team running out of ideas? I must admit i was quite surprised when i saw today’s topic for debate. I hope this is not what they intend to discuss on the show later today. I’m pretty unimpressed and quite disappointed.
Should adultery be a criminal offence? No!
What I will find interesting is women who agree it should be – this is because you will find, almost invariably, that these laws are to keep women under wraps of men. Go around the world and see these draconian laws – all will have women getting – literally – the blunt end of the stick, or even worse the end of a rope or nicely weighted stones/rocks.
The sanctity of marriage is in the marriage itself – once the government get involved it is like having a committee made up to discuss how to raise a man-hole cover. One idiot is going to say use dynamite. Another idiot is going to agree because of cost and another because it really is the easiest way to raise it.
I think that adultery should not be a crime! It is very immoral.
Re: This radio show currently is sponsored by an online dating website designed for married people, so they can have affairs.
It’s very good to know that this choice is available! To all of us seeking to have a happy long lasting marriage!?! A gentle nudge in the direction of disregarding the vows someone makes is always very nice….
It should be a crime as long as the secret spending of funds by a spouse is a crime, “emotional” cheating, and the with holding of sex by the significant other.
-Anthony, LA, CA
Men on Brunt End of Law and Customs!
TEHRAN – The key is “a person’s right to make a decision.” The extreme cases
of immolation and stoning in the good Islamic fashion of the Republic is repulsive and gruesome. An offense against mankind.
In the greater context where Oepdipus must suffer throughout life and many other instances, it is always the male partner who suffers and submit to a terrible fate.
I dunno, but I feel we men are being targeted throughout our lives. If something goes wrong in the family, it’s the man’s fault. If he can’t provide for the family, he is penalized. If he can’t keep his wife in order, he’s a cuckold. Where is equality of the sexes! We live in a man’s world run by women.
@ Akbar
Isn’t christianity basically based upon a cuckold story? The biggest chump in history is Joseph, believing when Mary swears she’s never had sex before yet winds up being pregnant. If there really was a Mary, and a Joseph, and a Jesus, then there needs to be a father, so looks like there was an affair. Or let’s say that God is in fact the father? Joseph still was a cuckold.
Adulterate: v. To make impure or corrupt.
Adultery is a religious artifact relating to the concept of marriage as a union blessed by a supreme being.
In the real world, however, it’s a violation of a civil contract between two (presumed) adults who understand the vagaries and temptations of the human heart and have decided that those risks aren’t relevant and/or doesn’t apply to them.
And they lived happily ever after….
That depends on one’s culture and religion.
To the Christian it’s a sin which, in this instant, translates into a crime.
It is interesting how Christians have accepted the concept of the virgin birth and have not linked sin nor crime to that particular event.
We live in a world of quadruple standards which translates into what’s good for Peter may not be good for Hassan, Adebayo, Chow nor Kaisa.
Maybe adultery is a part of the behaviour inherent in the human-animal condition which cannot be outlawed by law…no matter who or what introduced that law. Maybe the law that should be questioned is the one that gives effect to marriage!
Why do we need the moral police to now dictate how our relationships are managed? People make mistakes and will do whatever they want no matter the punishment. Let’s not waste valuable time and money policing marriages which are a private matter between two ADULTS.
We live in a culture of moral indifference, where movies and videos glamorize violence and tolerance is touted as a great virtue
GB
@ Venessa
Sometimes it affects society as well though. I think adultery should be taken into account when it comes to divorce, so that the adultering party is financially hurt by it, so as to not encourage it. If you think about it, if you marry someone richer than you, then you cheat on them, then file for divorce, you can actually get a lot of money from the non cheating party. And that’s wrong.
Oh gee whiz. Even if legislating morality were possible (and it isn’t), don’t we have enough unenforcable laws on the world’s (and in all religious) books now? I say, violent crimes only; and that includes wife-beating!
Actually, I think Henry (earlier comment) has said it all. Nicely done.
” Please reconsider this new direction of tabloid unseriousness in a world crying out for serious consideration of real issues.”
@ VictorK
WHYS is a global forum that exists to get people talking. It is responsive to what its listeners wish to talk about, and is wildly popular, judging by the number of people who call, email, and participate on the blog.
The BBC World Service has professional journalists, analysts and experts galore to address the serious issues that you mention. I am concerned about the serious issues, too, but WHYS is not the place for them.
It IS a great way for diverse people to discuss current affairs (and I don’t mean those of the South Korean actress’s!) especially in the realm of social and ethical differences the world over. Don’t you LISTEN to the intro: “Now WE get to have OUR say?” If this is what’s burning up the blog, it’s a totally appropriate subject for the programme.
Donnamarie in Switzerland
The path of true LUST never did run smoothly.
Should adultery be a crime?
A crime ,No,grounds for divorce ,yes.
Adultery should only be adultery if one of the spouses objects.
I expected people in my ancestral village in India to be quite conservative about extra marital sex ,however they are rather pragmatic for example if man is in the military and only comes home a couple of times a year a brother or cousin might be asked to “take care of business”while he is away that is also the case if there are infertility issues.
A couple of my neighbours seem to have two wives ,but what happened was their brothers died and a collective family decision was made that they should look after their brothers wife and kids.
yes, punishable by having to listen to worldhaveyoursay. No, that would be torture. Please BBC, return to reporting the news.
Adultery is a crime, using the language of secularist. Using the language of religious people, adultery is a sin.
We may say therefore, that adultery is both a crime and a sin following the logic that every crime is a sin.
Why is adultery a sin? Adultery is a sin because God commanded against it in Genesis 20: 14, as the seventh Commandment, when He commanded: “Thou shall not commit adultery”.
In case you want to relativise the commandment, based on 21st century, modern, or any other mundane or romantic consideration, or supplant it with romanticism, secularism, or idiosyncrasy, know it that God never changes, and will not change to suit man. Man must change to meet the demands of God and to suit God, especially, if man wants salvation and the blessings of God before death.
Note in respect of whether God should change to suit man or man MUST change to suit God, that Apostle Peter noted: “Judge for yourself whether it is right in God’s sight for us to obey you rather than God” (Acts: 4:19).
That said, it must be noted that it is very worrisome that the BBC does not promote religion or religious models, morals, practices, standards, ethics, and values. The other side of the broadcast by the BBC is that it starts what would create loss of religious faith, increase faith in secularism and secular models, morals, beliefs, practices, standards, ethics and values; and individualism, romanticism, strife, and sexual dissoluteness. But when the consequences of these manifest, it does not take responsibility for causing them.
Prince Awele Odor
Lagos, Nigeria
Making adultery a criminal issue opens the door to prosecuting other marital problems.
Why does sex deserve special treatment? Why not emotional distancing, lying, treating each other unfairly, or any of a myriad of marital issues that are as private as sex?
I agree that inviting the government into your relationship, is inviting a world of trouble, and making adultery a crime is over the top. But there are a couple questions here:
1. What happens to the faithful partner who finds out about the infidelity too late and becomes infected with an STD. Shouldn’t they be able to take some action? At least have their medical bills paid?
2. So many times, the stress of an event like this falls on the kids in the marriage. Couldn’t bringing another person into the family and creating a huge issue like that be considered emotional child abuse? I had a boyfriend whose mother had taken him with her as a child to her boyfriend’s house and had him sleeping on the couch while she cheated on his dad. He was emotionally damaged by that situation. The guilt of knowing something his dad didn’t and the anger that he had towards his mom has never gone away. He was never able to trust me.
If you don’t stand for anything, you don’t stand for anything.
adultery against the law!! that is the dumbest thing i have ever heard. how stupid.
grow up, you are not a victim.
“Love” by definition is a crazy concept. If you truly “love” someone it means your put their feelings and emotions ahead of your own, and their well being is more important that your own. So seeing somebody you truly loved “punished” in itself is a punishment to the one who was wronged. Or the one who was wronged never “loved” the person of their contempt to begin with. So who was committing the biggest atrocity?
This is why it can not be criminalized. It is way too complex.
I have a question. These are “traditional” cultures, where I would also presume men are the breadwinners. Just say the husband cheats. What happens to the wife if the husband goes to jail? Last I heard, making license plates for cars doesn’t pay that well. What happens to the wife if the husband is jailed?
BBC World, in your report you called South Korea a “Muslim nation”. How could you get such a fact wrong? It is a Christian and Buddhist nation and always has been. I can’t see how you could have gotten this fact wrong, and it makes me wonder about the integrity of your reporting as a whole.
As for the topic of adultery, it is clearly wrong, as Jesus Christ himself has attested to; in fact, the Bible describes adultery as wrong in both the old and new testaments in multiple locations, most notably through the Ten Commandments. If God’s Word says adultery is wrong, then that’s good enough for me. Sadly, most people in our society have embraced a relative morality that is based on their own self-centered wants, rather than revealed Truth.
This South Korean law is designed to respect the aforementioned command of God, so of course I am not opposed to such a law.
And to Steve and Henry above, please get your facts straight. Mary was with child BEFORE Joseph married her. Therefore, Joseph was not cuckolded. It would be nice if you are going to criticize the Bible or Christian believers, you would actually have your ducks in a row first.
Steve ~ I don’t disagree with your point but that is what a prenuptual is for.
No, as much as it pains me to say so. It goes back to the notion that one may do what he/she does in the bedroom provided it is not done in the street “and disturb the horses.” Unless the civil union/marriage explicitly states that infedility is a violation, then is no true standing unless one seeks emotional restitution.
Some couples do not have exclusive marriage- an “open” relationship suits some couples just fine.
Please don’t regulate the bedroom. If it is a question of authority beyond the written law, let religion deal with it. Keep the state out.
Adultery should be illegal, but stupidity should be illegal:
http://www.wbbm780.com/Drew-Peterson-Engaged/3510541
Adultery should’nt be a crime if there is a mutual consent and agreement between two adulterous peolpe who have contracted – It involves privacy and one’s will ! The circumustances under which adultery takes place should however be scrutinised – There could be impotence, starvation,lack of love or even influence, previous background and financial related problems.
However couples should maintain love for each other so that they are not tempted to have sex out of their marriage and i personally would not like to have a woman who holds another man the same way she does to me!
In African many families got infected with HIV and the latest stories have shown people kill their women because of infidelity! previously in my country , the adulterous couple paid back the bride prize to the man and at court convictions, they recieved about 10 strokes of the cane or a fine of Ush 200/-!
Adultery should be punished by imprisonment.
If someone cheats on you, he/she deprives you of time you could spent with somebody honest. Therefore, they should also be deprived of time, in jail.
I don’t support the adultery. I’m Asian and I still believe that people should keep their virgin until they marry. My grandfather cheated my grandmother and divorced her. My parents divorced legally but they stayed together until my father had an affair with his college. My mom moved out. They wer back together because of my grandfather and me. She told me that she tried to be ready when he asked her to go away. I can’t see him with respect again.
On the other hand, I think if adultery is a crime, people may not marry as in today’s Japan (Japanese case is not because of adultery as crime but because people don’t want to be bounding.)
The one guest just brought up a common point. “Don’t call that marriage”. The religious and right leaning ideals say the same thinga about homosexuality or multiple wives.
I’m finding myself actually in agreement with the Caller from Ontario. Though I’m not religious, relationships are an absolute joke these days. Kids growing up in broken homes also wind up not capable of adult relationships. My ex girlfriend would be a poster child of this. Parents divorced, she cannot commit to anything, let alone to her relationships. And she will do that to whomever she’s with, if she has a daughter, that dauther will get raised in a broken home, and the cycle continues.
I think we either have to accept that marriage is a joke and we weren’t supposed to live this way, and broken homes, unfaithfaithfulness and mental issues (baggage) are the “norm” or that people simply lack the willpower to live the “supposed” way of life of monogamy to one partner. Something isn’t right.
The situation is disasterous for children, but perhaps this is what nature really intended? After all, sex really is supposed to be for procreation, right? Were we only meant to procreate and then get enough food to survive? Perhaps we’re too advanced for our instincts?
There are situations where a man allows his wife to go into prostitution so that they survive and even have children with another man incase of impotence ! Again there are records where couples agree that the man should marry another wife – which one is a dultery ?
No it should never be a crime, humans are to imperfect for that……….. Creating penalties for sleeping with another outside of your marriage will not change behavior, it will only succeed in clogging up the courts. The concept of the mister or mistress has been a bastion of society and marriage for centuries. No one can get everything from one person all the time…………
All the guests are getting on my nerves today!
My question to the gentleman who runs the dating service for married people, with all his pious talk — what assurances does he have that both parties are agreeable to the arrangement? He makes it sound like he is serving some higher good and *saving* a marriage, but in reality what percentage of his clients are simply cheating on their spouses with his aid?
The other man, who was so vehemently in favor of keeping it illegal, has a very poor understanding of the history of marriage and of sexual relations in general if he thinks that life-long monogamy is some kind of biological imperative.
I find it difficult to believe that people can have sexual relationships with an emotional disconnect. This will eventually pull one partner away from the marriage emotionally. Also, what about impulse control and problem solving? There can be many excuses for adultry, but isn’t it simply an inability to deal with problems?
If the question of law comes up, I would suggest a civil penalty rather than criminal. How about ‘breach of contract’, after all a marriage is a contract.
It doesn’t help that media tells us all we should be over-sexed and always stimulated and on the prowl. Maybe out society needs to mature and get out of the ‘primal’ mindset that is just concerned with survival and procreation.
I’m fascinated by the one caller’s reference to the historical definition of love and marriage. It’s my understanding that marriage was for the protection of women and children and the securing of property inheritance. Not love, not happiness, but genetics and property. Restricting sexual rations within the marriage was placed upon the woman due to risk of pregnancy and the possibility of woman A who is married to man A, sleeping with man B and unable to verify that the resulting children are man A’s.
We also seem to be falling into the concept of “well in my day thing were better.” Unhappy and happy marriages have been around since we, as a species, have slapped the label of marriage on our relationships. I believe are just as happy and miserable as we have been since we starting thinking about more than our basic survival.
As to the legality of whether it should be a legal matter and a prosecutable crime. No, I don’t believe it should. My perspective is a very social liberal western one. I believe that marriage is a religious institution and as such the law has no place in it. What a couple chooses to do or not do within their marriage is for them and their church to allow or condemn.
It doesn’t matter if you make adultery a crime. People who want to have an “open” marriage will have it even if it is illegal.
Re: Open relationships
I have a friend in an open marriage but she is the only one taking multiple partners. Both of them are perfectly content with this arrangement.
To Dwight from Cleveland:
Your view:
“Love” by definition is a crazy concept. If you truly “love” someone it means your put their feelings and emotions ahead of your own, and their well being is more important that your own. So seeing somebody you truly loved “punished” in itself is a punishment to the one who was wronged. Or the one who was wronged never “loved” the person of their contempt to begin with. So who was committing the biggest atrocity?
“This is why it can not be criminalized. It is way too complex”, stands logic and morality upside down.
If a man or a woman loves, he or she does not do anything to hurt or ham the person that he or she loves. If we set the 14th commandment of God aside, which we ought not, should not and MUST do, an adulterer hurts his loved one and demonstrates that he or she does not love the person that he or she claims to love at all.
It demonstrates that he or she is in a caveat emptor relationship or in a relationship that has no value for the humanity, honour and respectability of the person.
Where has the abuse of sexuality and marriage got the USA and Western Europe to? Cross check the population of same sex sexual affairs, “marriage”, children getting involved in sexual intercourse, abortion rate, infertility rate and divorce rate.
Prince Awele Odor
Lagos, Nigeria
That caller from Philadelphia, and his “wife” s hould be the poster child for the defense of gay marriage. his “marriage” is way more of a threat to marriage than gay marriage is. From the very beginning he decided it was going to be an open relationship. That’s SO much more of a threat to marriage than gays getting married.
People talked about rights but why not obligations and duties. When you marry, you have both rights and obligations to your partner who you choose. Adultery hurts not only the opposition parties but also other people in the family. Adultery is a sin. Legitimate this notion would just stress the importance of it but it means nothing if people won’t follow it.
Criminalizing adultery would be a real waste of resources, especially here in the US where we already incarcerate far too many. Marriage is a social contract between two individuals. Adultery is a breach of that contract and it breaks that trust but it is not a matter that requires government intervention. Incarceration should be for people who pose a serious danger to society.
If the physical attraction has died in the relationship or one partner has, for some reason, become medically unable to have sex, and the couple agrees to allow for this extra marital activity then it is no longer a breach of trust.
Also, another poster said that lying is illegal? I don’t understand this. How is lying illegal?
Another question: Many religions focus on the moment of a sexual thought. Can adultery be committed in the mind?
In a country like Saudi Arabia where women have no rights, you can’t simply impose punishment for committing adultary, it’s a men’s world. It’s gets more complicated in a country like Saudi where lots of wrong things are done in the name of religion though religion has nothing to do with them.
In general, people need to be more open and transparent in their expectations from their future partners. Otherwise it does not last long.
Well… would like to ask Dan, He was in an open relationship when he started dating his current fiance’.What would he feel about open relationship once she leave him again for another guy?
I think one thing about marriage is the security… and with the open relationship… that is just thrown out of the window… Just not my cup of tea!
Re: I find it difficult to believe that people can have sexual relationships with an emotional disconnect. This will eventually pull one partner away from the marriage emotionally.
I do too.
I watched a documentary the other evening about people who have open marriages. From my observations; the man was for it but the woman was more or less just going along with it because the man seemed so interested. One couple had gotten involved together for “fun” with the husband deciding to continue doing more and more while the woman no did not. His solution was to divorce her! It seems to me that these types of relationships do not create a stronger relationship/bond and directly impact some factors that effect everyone in society.
When someone in a relationship cheats there is a reason that needs to be addressed. I don’t think adultery is appropriately addressing the situation as it breaks down a relationship further.
Maybe people should only be allowed to get married once or give them a really big fine as punishment for cheating.
Re: Drew Peterson
He’s SO old and 23 is SO young. So yucky.
Thomas wrote:
>> BBC World, in your report you called South Korea a “Muslim nation”. How could you get such a fact wrong? <<
Actually they were very specific about mentioning that S Korea isn’t an islamic nation.
Perhaps you had a blip in reception of the programme? I am the first to criticise BBC reporting, and very often they are wrong (for example, all the deliberate lies they told about the hostilities in S Ossetia, and claiming the Russians attacked first).. But this time they were right.
The real question is defining what marriage is in today’s society. If people can’t stay faithful in a marriage- DON’T CALL IT A MARRIAGE. CALL IT A CIVIL UNION BETWEEN ROOMMATES- that’s all it is. I don’t believe adultery is a state or government issue, but crimes resulting from adultery definitely are. Certainly adultery affects many people in the relationship, whether it is agreed to by both parties or not.
Spread of Disease
Violence against fellow man/woman
Deep Distrust- usually unspoken, of partners
Dissolved relationships
Destabilized upbringing- psychologically for kids and adults in the relationship- kids developing a harsh sense of what relationships are meant to be
Nothing good comes out of adultery, except complete self satisfaction and sexual gratification- people who get into affairs should seek clinical counseling first. The need for sexual gratification outside the marriage must be addressed by the individual- if there is no desire to overcome it, that’s something that must be worked with the two in the relationship. i agree that society is broken- but i don’t know if government intervention would solve anything unless there is a moral connection and societal imperative to fixing it. It’s so rampant; vey few people if any chastise their friends for their promiscuous or scandalous affairs. society must fix it- but that’s the catch-22- society can’t fix it because we’ve already accepted it- horrible, I know
Prince Odor,
For bettor or for worse, the state of human relationships has “gotten” the US into a situation where they are the economic, military, and diplomatic power in the world. If our economy stalls, so does the rest of the world, If we issue a threat, much of the world quakes in fear, if we impose a sanction, the world responds in kind.
It is the cold, mechanical, and uncaring characteristic of our population that has allowed us to reach these heights. Is it for the better or for the worse is a judgment call. However, it is a fact. This kind of distant, greedy, gluttonous, and impersonal living is what has lead us to having relationships with all of these attributes you described. Change the contributing factors, and change the identity and the magnatude of our accomplishments.
When I got married the government issued me a license. When I got divorced again I had to get the government involved. So, if we don’t want government governing our relationships, don’t get the “Law” involved. As far as the aides issue goes, people in this country have been arrested for traveling on an airplane when they have tuberculosis because this is a communicable decease. Aides too is a communicable decease and anyone who knowingly infects another person should be punished by law. If a person feels that the government has no business in this issue, don’t get “married”. Breaching a legally binding commitment should be punishable.
The concept of adultery is based on the religious (mostly Christian?) moral tenet that coveting another person while in a marriage is a sin. Marriage these days is a financial/civil contract (unless you’re Brandy and seek only a “spiritual” union). Criminalization would be tantamount to reinforcing a particular religious doctrine; wholly inappropriate and a waste of taxpayer money. Get a divorce, take half (or all) and be done with it.
Can any law be as supportive womens’ infidelity than in Singapore. They call it ‘Women’s Charter’. A man can be granted a degree nisi for his wife infidelity but has to pay her alimony and she gets a split in the matrimonial home. It Is such a good deal to women that foreign women are clamouring for Singapore men with properties to cuckold them.
RE “” Some people argue “”
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
——— Plenty of stupid people to make stupid arguments, especially lawyers.
Marriage is considered a legal contract at the very least and additionally a spiritual bonding in most. In most of the traditional western vows, fidelity is sworn to as part of the ceremony.
Now, if the couple wishes to have an open marriage, that should be part of the contract and perhaps vows rewritten. If one party is deliberately breaking the contract against the wishes of the other party, there should be redress decided by the appropriate legal or religious authorities.
Adultery and divorce usually have massive negative social consequences that have seldom ever seen much justice. Don’t look for much improvement since justice is on the wane in the modern world as folks figure out new ways to victimize people that are perfectly “legal.”.
No, I don’t think it ought to be a crime. All sorts of procedural issues would arise; how would you prosecute it? If you have to prove adultery beyond reasonable doubt – how is the state/public prosecutor going to do that?
I agree with a lot of the comments to the effect that adultery is often a sign of problems in the relationship, something that the state should not interfere with. The only time I can see there being legal recourse is in terms of civil law. If marriage is seen as a contract, then adultery would be breach. Get damages – which you can do in some countries when divorcing. But imprisonment and a criminal record? Nope. And why then would government intrude upon a private contract on the basis of vague terms like “morality” and “social order”?
Personally, I think I would feel more “secure” in a marriage, and become complacent about my partner’s fidelity. I would find their cheating more painful.
I don’t really think it would make much of a difference in terms of safe sex. If someone infects another with an STI – should their be an offence for that?
Adultery a crime ? if so, what would the punishment be?
I think it’s best to keep any and all government out of our beds. I am all for separation of sex and state.
I personally believe that cheating their partner is totally erroneous and the adultary should not be forgiven. However, in her case the story is different.
Here, BBC didn’t mention her husband’s wrongdoings – constant gambling, made a huge amount of debt, lack of love, forced her to pretend how happy she is with her marriage in public(on TV), cheating on her too. Considering what he’s done, practically they both did wrong things to each other. In truth, she wasn’t content with her marriage even around ten years ago. I remember that she said during her talk show on telly that her husband seemed a lot different than imgained beforehand and she thought of divorce – he loves staying at home, watching telly while she enjoys outings like going for a drive, a picnic and so on. It’s just one example showing they have different lifestyles and may be personalities which can’t be compromised.
The people who should be charged with adultary must be the ones who secretly have sexual relationship with other women despite of no troubles in their marriage. It’s pretty common in Korea that especially wealthy men mostly have an affair and make a visit to sort of prostitutes.
In fact, I heard of some cases that if women discovered her husband’s affair, they ask for a divorce quietly, but if women cheat on her husband, men publicly reveal her affair or sue her for adultary.
Whatsoever, I do really think the actress isn’t deserved to be in jail for TWO years! It’s so unfair! If doing so, her husband too should be charged and put in prison.
From the BBC article:
“Its opponents claim the law is often abused as a means of revenge or securing greater financial divorce settlements;”
Erm, yes? They fail to realise that being cheated on in a marriage, when the non cheater has remained faithful throughout, hurts – a lot. If the law is there to compensate some of that emotional punishment that the noncheater did not deserve for the cheater, then good.
As for greater divorce settlements – well, what’s the point of marriage in the first place if you’re not going to fulfil the conditions?
It’s not surprising that this question should be posed in a country where more than a few people believe that Islamic Sharia should be the law of the land. Strictly speaking, Sharia assumes that the woman involved is automatically guilty of moral crimes (even allowing herself to be raped) and prescribes the death penalty in most cases. Is this what the people of the U. K. want?
In the U. S., something like adultery is a civil – not criminal – matter. An aggrieved party in such a case has a right to sue for actual and punitive damages in a civil court. That is where such matters should stay.
Matt, lying under oath is called perjury and it is illegal in the U. S. at least.
Come on WHYS team. Go and have some break, instead of bringing out stupid topics of discussion.
Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman (not between the same sexes ) to live together, fortified by law for a long term relationship.
How-ever ‘Long term relationships’ as mentioned by you, is a relationship fortified only by both minds. Hence, they have greater responsibility to be faithful to each other.
Having said this’ I am of opinion that jealousy is the cause of the problem. When a friend ,embraces my mother and say sthat she is like a ‘MOTHER’ to him,there is no problem. but the moment he embraces my wife and says that she is like a ‘wife’ to him,problem starts. Why? The crux of the matter is SEX. We like to have our sexual partner exclusively for us. These are the norms.
There are exception to these norms as well. AS LONG AS YOU DON’T MIND, IT DOES NOT MATTER and AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT MATTER, YOU DON’T MIND.
A confusion indeed.
I can see where it can be considered a crime when it promotes the spread of AIDS. If the spouse of the straying party finds out who the other party is a charge could be made I suppose although adequate proof would be needed. I used to think my deficiency in being able to establish relationships was a bummer but now see the advantage of it in avoiding many stressful situations. I found it difficult enough to be unfaithful even when I had no-one!
south korea punishing a women for adultery is a joke of 2008 as its a country where male prostitutes are rampant .paradox law for different gender .its time to let that actress free ?
Isn’t is always the weaker partner who cheats? They are inadequate and have personailty/looks/morality issues. they need treatment.
Adultery itself should not be a crime but if we accept financial fraud as a crime then we should consider whether one of the parties has been defrauded. Sex is not the only criteria. People for centuries have had extra-marital sexual relationships (usually men, I’m afraid) and many marriages survive sexual dalliances because for whatever reason sexual fidelity is not as important as other things. If, however, along with sexual infidelity come an undisclosed shift of allegiances that damage one of the partners then certainly the ‘innocent’ spouse should have some recourse…but that’s why we in the US have high-priced divorce lawyers. However, what should never happen is that some young woman gets stoned to death by sexless maniacs because a) she decides to have sex before marriage or b) she is raped by a relative which is all too common in some parts of the world….frankly, there is all too much emphasis put on the act of sex which should always be a joy…and far too little on creating balanced relationships between man and women. Religion has polluted sex like it has many other things. Personally I would criminalize religious fanaticism.
With the average life span appreciating repidly over the last couple of centuries. It is harder to ask the average male/female to not commit adultery as opposed to the standar 17th 18th century couple. Life was far too short to commit adultery, people would have been married for a maximum of 20 years. Here we are all living to 80, is it even natural to be married to somebody for that long with out commiting adultery. So here we have it, by making steps to decrease our life span adultery will soon become obsalete, because by the time you are ready to die you won’t be bored with the sex you are getting.
Adultery should not be a crime, and at worst the “punishment” for adultery, if proven, should be a divorce.
In my society, males feel threatened about their ego, self respect and everything when their wives have sex with another person. They’re kinda looked down by the society. Before the state, the husband takes it as a war, and tries killing both his wife and the guy who’s had sex with his wife. And, I’m not sure but the courts seem to take this into account and have a softer punishment for husbands who kill their wives if they are found to have had sex with other men.
Adultery should not be a CRIMINAL act; But, it should be legal grounds for a divorce in the courts.
~Dennis
The real crime is that this question even needs to be asked. Cheating on your spouse is the worst, most painful, thing you could possibly do to them. Especially if there are children involved. I can think of nothing more devastating one could experience in life. The fact that this is even a topic for debate speaks volumes for how drastically society has eroded over the past fifty years. Selfishness and egocentricity have replaced honesty and selflessness.
No.
Cheating on ones spouse is a crime as much as betrayal of trust is and where life and love and faithfulness is involved. Every human being can and may have fealings and inclinations and attraction to the opposite sex, to the others treasuered person amounts to stealing and is a crime. If stealing and trespassing is a crime and punishable then adultry is much more than that and that involves a life and death question, a question of the meaning of existance and hence be upheld by law. If one needs to subscibe to a way (adultry) the way that the majority of the society does not feel right and majority of the society does not subscribe to then they should distinguish themselves and not be in a relation and be cheating… The devastation that follows when the whole episode is revealed is much more drastic for the partner involved.
Hence adultry is a crime against the person in gelation. Itcould be considered as a rape of a the person in relation
yes.
In my earlier remarks: I think that it should be something that society should not accept that type of behaviour…But do not make it criminal….
~Dennis Junior~
Marriage is a binding contract between a man and a women, Last I checked part of that was fidelity. Adultery is at least a breach of contract, though may be impractical to punish in a court of law.
Adultery is a crime of different nature. Let us try to understand it. Our sexual behavior is mostly guided by an instinct that has imbibed in our genome evolving right from Virus and bacteria. This is perhaps most dominant impulse which motivates a person to the extant that many a time he or she do not care for even life. A female spider kills her male partner even then the male dare to mate at the risk of life is the example before us to think upon it in the nature. Polyandry and polygamy was also common among us over a millions of year when we used to live in forest. With the evolution of man as a social being it became a compulsion for us to leave those behaviors and to be faithful to our parteners.Even then still in some religion this practice is being allowed today. Animal like acts are still conserved in our sexual behavior. In such circumstances stringent law and punishment will do justice to the culprits deserves to be assessed. What I feel that people are still satisfying their wild taste through Pornography on internet in a considerable number, so let it be a personal affair to be decided by the environment in which it is being commited.People will not leave a chance if they get it without any risk.
I do believe adultery should be a crime and punishable with a fine the first time, the second time should be a prision sentence. if we would nip it in the bud there would be less divorces and less troubled childeren in this already messed up world. People do need to relize they are countable for their actions, adultery hurts everyone involved from the spouse down to the childeren and as far as the in-laws and their friends. the person who is doing the cheatting needs to understand the pain an stress they are putting on their family & friends. If we would get a little harder on adultery we would have happier family’s. If you need to cheat than be a man or women and ask for a divorce, instead of hurtting your family. I dont find that cheatting helps a relationship, there’s always unanswered questions, and they may never get answered and that only rip’s a couple apart anyway.
Adultery is a crime. Statistics show that 22 % of the children are from adulterous relationships, yet the husband has to pay for the child as child support, while the child is not even his. That makes adultery a worse crime than theft. A thief only steals something for one time, but a man has to pay for 18 years for the child which is not even his! And in america, laws favor the child and the woman. They don’t care if the child do not belong to the husband. They justify it by saying that child should not suffer, while they do not have any sympathy for the man who is paying the child support for the whole 18 years!
So if someone goes out an cheats an gets HIV, then gives it to their husband/wife, even unknowingly, they should not be punished?
It’s at a minimum not just adultery, but manslaughter as well because they just killed their husband/wife through reckless action.
In the era of STD’s that can kill, yes, adultery should be a crime, not because it is immoral, but because it can be deadly.
Hi Fellas:
Those of you who are in favor of adultery as a crime……… please speak up and voice out to your assemblyman and state senate. Let them make legislatures the way they were before 1969. Adultery was a punishable crime in all states then. It still is in 22 states.
Adultery is an action that cause harm, emotionally, which cannot be titrated by any means, since we put more weights in physical injury. Many are lead to killing and injuring their partners, hence ending up punishing the already injured. Many children are harmed, emotionally, that they grow up to be like that of the “Columbine massacre” students . Who knows what goes in the mind of the affected children as they grow to their adolescence and adulthood. Are we to wait more turmoils before we take drastic actions through our legislature? The basic principle why we have government is because we want our citizens to be protected. Those of the cheated(spouses and children) as well as those of the cheaters. By creating this law, we protect the cheaters from being a cheater on the first place, much like they know they should not kill or destroy properties, though as they want to because of anger.
Adultery is a reaction. Adultery is also an easy way out to a problem. In your opinion, do you think many will be force to resolve issues at the home front first before they go out and do something unacceptable and harmful, especially if there is a law against it?