This Chap from the US state of Indiana with his brilliant take on the handling of the credit crisis got us to thinking what’s the funniest one liner you’ve ever heard…Click and have a listen…..”it’s got more shades of wrong than a brand new bruise”. Put a smile on our faces here at the World Today. Can you do better?
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I wish I had your worries and Rockefellers money.
It takes many nails to build a crib, and only one screw to fill it!
I honestly think that is one of the hardest questions you have ever asked!
Let me think on it and I will write them down as they come to me.
They don’t have issues, they have subscriptions!
The other one (with Rockefeller) has been handed down in my family for at least 2 generations, I don’t know its real origin.
This one is mine:
100 years ago, “till Death do us part” was a promise, nowadays it’s a threat. (Because people live so much longer, that it’s unrealistic to expect marriages to last forever.)
“A Little Courtesy Won’t Kill You”
used as a traffic safety bumper sticker in Massachusetts in the early ’80s.
“Who needs a broom”?. Boris Beckers.
Hilary Clintons morning prayer,. I wish Obama was a republican!.
Mr Mugabe had conceded the election, then i woke up.
BBC world service can now advertise, the first applicant-el jazeera.
Congratulations on 60 years, Israel, telegrammed from Hamas.
(by the way,i heartily congratulate Israel on her 60th Birthday).
Here’s my all-time favourite, from Jack Nicholson in “As good as it gets”:
Think white and get real.
love the marriage vows one Katharina….i just remembered another one from the recent film Juno….”she’s not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed”….which could begin a whole theme…
part of a piece and piece of a whole.a oneliner to sum up werever are we in this universe all are one and the same.
devadas.v
kerala india
Somewhere Janet T posted “Electile Disfuction” I now cannot find it. Very funny though and so true.
“Healing means to become your real self.” Ikuko Osumi
“He ain’t worth two flies smashed.” Shay Shay a lovely black woman from Texas
Found it. You may have to get janet Ts permission?
Electile Dysfunction: the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.
Hey Precious Jon…. Actually I do have 2 favourite lines : ‘The ultimate courtesy is to learn how to yawn with your mouth closed !!’ and ‘The ultimate politeness is to knock at the door of the refrigerator before you open it !!’. With my love. Yours forever, Lubna.
Here are a few more perhaps not true one liners but easily used as such. The first one is mine.
He was falling apart like a pair of jeans found on a heavy metal guitarist
“We are surrounded by many beautiful things, but few real things. Real things are truth.”
Ikoku Osumi
Sufist saying “It is not the path that is difficult, but the difficulty that is the path”
Most I’ve seen are bumper stickers.
I’ve always liked:
“You can’t be pro-life and pro-war.”
I like this “two liner” by Steven Weinberg:
“With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”
🙂
+ Perfection is terrible, it cannot have children.
– Sylvia Plath
+ To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
– Woody Allen
+ It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen
+ I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
– Woody Allen
+ God is love, but get it in writing.
– Gypsy Rose Lee
@ adam: to me you’re the winner so far, “ain’t worth two flies smashed”!, I laughed really hard.
Another one, originally from Kurt Tucholsky, which became popular again because of what happened in Amstetten, Austria:
You can’t even eat as much as you wanna puke!
“Veni, vidi, vici.”…..Julius Cesar.
“Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”…. heavyweight great, Joe Louis.
He trains on beer and just won the heavyweight championship of the world.”………Frank Hugo, crew coach of Syracuse University talking about Max Baer who knocked down giant heavy champion Primo Carnera 11X enroute to an 11th round stoppage and the championship belt.
“The strongest argument against democracy is a five minute discussion with the average voter.”…….Sir Winston Churchill.
I saw this on a license plate of a car, that obviously has children.
“PB4UGO”
What’s the best one liner I’ve ever heard?
Lincoln Dictum: “This Too Shall Pass”. (Don’t you just Love it when you are in-Love?)
I dislike this one!!! JUSTICE IS A HOPE NOT A CERTAINTY or TRUTH IS NOT CERTITUDE.
It’s when the frost is on the Pumpkin, that it is the time for some serious BUMPIN.(YE!)
How VILY are the ways WE LOVE. (give it a 9)
As the older you get the better you come to love this one:
THROUGH THE LIPS AND PAST THE GUMS LOOK OUT STOMACK HER IT COMES !
bjay connotation with accent
From Babu in Sudan, via e-mail
” The Word of wisdom;
“Person throwing worms in the river
is never afriend to fish because some of worms have hooks in them.”
My favorite:
Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.
Albert Einstein
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.
Frank Lloyd Wright
If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law.
Winston Churchill
just three i do like
My idea of camping is staying in a hotel without room service.
@ Laura
yours wins for most ironic given where you live.
during the first coalition war with Iraq I was driving around northern Saudi Arabia and the No-mans land south of Iraq with a bumper sticker with a little picture of Albert Einstien on it and this quote
“You Can Not Simoultaniously Prevent and Prepare for War”
To this Woody Allen quote about not wanting to be around when dying:
‘The ultimate truth: you are dead before you know it.’
You have achieved many things but you have achieved nothing because there is more for you to do.- Napoleon Bounaparte
T.S.Eliot, on being handed a manuscript judged good enough by his secretary, returned to her this written one-liner :
?
@ Adam
Hahaha. I hadn’t even thought about that. Building bridges must be on my subconscious as I work right next to the new one being built.
@ Laura
I could not help myself. I have been over that bridge innumerable times as a kid, I think we went over it to get to the Maplewood Mall. I was born down in Goodhue County. Here is another one liner I found in my archives that I wrote a year or two ago:
My substitute for sleep comes from a bean.
Very appropriate on a Monday morning. Ugh.
Life is a bitch and we are all pimps!
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
God is an imaginary friend for adults.
I know quite a few funny one liners.
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
You are depriving some poor village of it’s idiot.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.