17
Apr
08

Can relationships with big age gaps work?

The former German Chancellor 78 year old Helmut Kohl is to marry his 43 year old girlfriend Maike Richter. I’d be curious to know if you think relationships with big age gaps can work? Are you in one and if you are what’s your experience? Is there a point when the gap becomes too much?

They will join a list of well-known individuals with large age gaps between themselves and their partners.

Michael Douglas is 25 years older than Catherine Zeta Jones; Sex & the City actress Kim Cattrall is 23 years older than partner Alan Wyse; film-maker Woody Allen is 35 years older than wife Soon-Yi Previn, Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kuthcher, there is a 13 year age gap between French President Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni..the list is endless..

Are they proof that with the right two people age doesn’t matter?


51 Responses to “Can relationships with big age gaps work?”


  1. 1 Samantha Pryce
    April 17, 2008 at 14:38

    Well, my fiancee is 12 years older than I am and the age gap doesn’t even make any difference to us BUT before he was with me, he was married to a woman 34 years his senior. Sure, they were fond of each other but the marriage was disastorous from the start. They soon found out that they had nothing in common, he wanted to go out and enjoy himself but she just wanted to stay at home or have dinner with her friends her own age. The marriage dissolved after 8 years.

    I believe that a gap of 15 years is not a problem, because you are probably still living on the same wavelength as each other but more than that and problems WILL arise soon or later. Regardelss of love or not.

  2. 2 steve
    April 17, 2008 at 14:39

    If it’s two celebrities, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It’s not like Catherine Zeta jones has her own money. Just like regular people, celebrities divorce too, and at a higher rate. But that’s their decision to make (so much for the “sanctity” of marriage Brittney Spears).. But when it’s someone like Anna Nicole Smith, who in the age before Viagra married some guy 70 years her elder, you know she was doing it only for the money. As for Helmut Kohl, he’s a grownup and is free to make poor decisions. I don’t think the age difference between Sarkozy and Bruni is that big, but you just know that she wouldn’t be with him unless he were powerful. If, what happens often in France, the government changes and he loses power, she will be gone. But it was his poor decision to make. For other cases of 28 year old women marrying 65 year old men, everyone knows that the 65 year old wants a trophy, and the 28 year old wants a sugar daddy. No clearer case of marriage being legalized prostitution. So when people knock gay marriage, saying it violated the “sanctity” of marriage, all you have to do is look at the gold diggers, the trophy bride seekers, and ask yourself how that’s any more sanctimonious?? The entire instution really is a joke, but hey, if you can accept the responsibility for your actions, more power to you.

    There’s another case in the US that is getting some press. An older man married a younger British woman, got a prenup, and he’s leaving her, and she’s gone nuts, making all of these allegations on youtube, like a 14 year old would do. Funny stuff, you can clearly tell she’s crazy. But will the divorce court let her play dumb and get out of the prenup? Will they hold against her her childish antics?

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24140922/wid/11915829?GT1=40006

  3. April 17, 2008 at 14:43

    They work not because there is that much strong bonding and love between them but I’d say according to the African society because they’ve attracted so much attention and condemnation till they have no choice but to make it happen! There was acase here in Kenya that became so infamous about five years ago about ayoung man publicly having awedding with an old politicians wife and it created so much debate in the press! In an African setting they are generally unacceptable by the society as awhole and even in the family background. Those who engage in such a practise are usually young man or woman who are generally after riches of those they getting married to and nothing to do with love or passion for one another.

    • 4 Rachel
      February 19, 2010 at 04:29

      I vary to differ with you, Albert. I do not believe that it has all to do with being after riches.

      I can honestly and truly verify that there is a factor of love in a relationship that has a big age gap. I’m a woman, age – 57. My husband is aged 19, soon to be 20. We’ve been together 3 years. We kept it secret until a year and a half ago when we eloped to be married.

      I have to be honest here. HE pursued me for over a year and a half before I finally caved in to his continued persistence. I kept saying, “No. It won’t work. No. What about your family?” and 500 other reasons why we should have called it off, or just at best stayed friends. But he claims his love to me daily and hasn’t faltered but once in our entire relationship. I love him dearly and it is working out well. We may not be rich or famous, but we have each other and that’s all that matters to either of us. The rest of the world can wonder what the secret to our success is, because they can’t understand it, nor can they get past the age difference. I say… Your loss that you don’t understand that there are truly times when love bares no boundaries. This is one of those rare instances. We are still happily married.

  4. 5 selena
    April 17, 2008 at 14:45

    I had to smile at this one because I am in a relationship with an age gap. Age only becomes a problem, if one believes one has to conform to the dictates of society. If one is truly free, not much becomes a problem.

    With us age never comes up. We have friends in all age groups and life is good.

    BTW, I am the one who is older. :-)

  5. 6 nakitacaruso
    April 17, 2008 at 14:58

    My husband is 14 years older than me.

    We love each other very much, and when we’re together, I don’t even think about the age difference- we’re just together, and everything is good.

  6. 7 Will Rhodes
    April 17, 2008 at 15:35

    If you call an 18 year difference a large age gap, yes they can work. My wife and I are living proof of that. I am 46 and she is 29. I go 47 this year for the mathematicians.

    The only people who have a problem with it is the people who look at us oddly when we walk hand in hand. But so many people have said that they wished they had a relationship like ours, go figure. I don’t know if they look at us oddly because they can see the age gap or whether it is that she is 5′ 11″ and I am 5′ 7″.

    That is another talking point though.

  7. 8 Laura
    April 17, 2008 at 15:48

    Wow Steve, so women only marry for money or power apparently. I guess any profits Catherine Zeta Jones makes as a result of being an Oscar winning actress go straight to Michael Douglas. I’m dipping my toes into a relationship with a big age difference and let me say as the younger one it’s not about money and it’s not about power. It’s about being with someone who cares about you.

  8. 9 steve
    April 17, 2008 at 16:14

    @ Laura

    You saying nobody your age could care about you, and it’s just a coincidence he makes a lot more money than you if I make make some presumptions here???

    It’s really funny, as a lawyer, given so many women date/marry up, women who make the same income me constantly say “there are no good guys left” becuase there aren’t that many men who make more money than them, whereas the guys have no problem finding women. I’m sure it has nothing to do with money……

  9. 10 Laura
    April 17, 2008 at 16:50

    Steve,
    I’m not saying that no one my age could care about me-I’ve had at least two other guys my age interested in me recently. And in regards to income, you’re assuming that just because this guy is older than me he makes vastly more money-which, since he works for the United Way, isn’t likely. I also work in education, so I’d say neither of us are primarily motivated by money.

    Sorry to hear that you get saddled with the comments of “there are no good guys left”. It’s an easy cop out that we women are guilty of.

  10. April 17, 2008 at 16:59

    Love and understandig is a language that is not subject to the barriers of age.
    I strongly believe that any relationship can work as long as it’s based on mutual respect and understanding.

  11. 12 steve
    April 17, 2008 at 17:06

    @Laura

    And it always happens due to women having unrealistic or too high of standards. I have found that teachers seem to be the most forgiving in regard to income. My female cousin is a teacher and she married a guy who doesn’t make much. In fact, he’s disabled now, and instead of running out on him when he needed help, she was nothing but wonderful to him, which is in such contrast to what I see all the time. Guys getting divorced for suggesting to their wives they want to move into lower paying fields, just hints they mind lose their jobs, etc… There’s soo much focus on money. But in general, in the vast majority of non celebrity cases, if a woman is involved with a man MUCH older than she is, it’s about money. I mean honestly, do you really think Anna Nicole Smith was motivated by anything other than money? That whatever 21 year old Donald Trump is dating now, it has anything to do with other than money?

    http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/TooSuccessfulForAMate.aspx

    Check out this article. Given that women in many cases make more than men, it’s harder for women to date up. There are all the excuses, no good men left, I work too much, etc… The reality is that they still want to marry up, and there simply aren’t enough men “up” now that women make more money than men, at least in major cities.

  12. 13 Janet T
    April 17, 2008 at 17:47

    Age is a state of mind- while my husband and I are only 15 months apart and have been married 24 years, we have friends that were married the week after we were- and are still married- there is a 20 year difference in their ages!
    I believe you love who you love, and rarely does age, gender, race or creed have little to do with what your heart says.
    Marriage is not just about money or status or looks- I know many couples who have between 12-20 years age gaps- they are as happy in their relationships as we are in ours. A good marriage is based on the relationship not age.

  13. 14 Laura
    April 17, 2008 at 18:02

    Steve,
    Anna Nicole Smith was definitely motivated by money, and I think Trump’s current wife is probably older than 21. Right now from my vantage point as a college administrator, I can tell you that I’m not looking for a C-level executive sugar daddy, or someone who drives a BMW, or any of those typical status trappings. I’m interested in someone who’s smart, who’s gone to college, and someone who’s well read. That’s about it for now, and if it comes in a fancy package, so be it. But mostly it doesn’t.

  14. 15 steve
    April 17, 2008 at 18:14

    @ Janet

    The first thing I have noticed since I have become more mature with age, is that things rarely are as they appear.
    “Marriage is not just about money or status or looks- I know many couples who have between 12-20 years age gaps- they are as happy in their relationships as we are in ours. A good marriage is based on the relationship not age.”

    I’m sure these people seem happy, but I’ve found most people to be absolutely miserable. They put up a front. It’s not like they’ll volunteer how much they hate their lives. I used to always think other people were so happy, and then when I really found out the truth, I realized how good I have things in life.. Things are rarely as they appear.

    How much do I have to bet you that in the relationships with the age differences of 12-20 years, that in 90% of the cases, the man is the older one? Funny how you often hear women describing older men, especially much older men, as being “creepy.” I guess there’s something about income that makes one overlook nose hair, ear hair, etc…

    Then again, I’m guilty of being the older guy too. But not much older. The worst I’m guilty of was I believe a 7 year age gap. The average is 4-5 year difference, and one ex gf recently was actually a year older than me, when I was 28, she was 29, and she actually dumped me on the spot for a 44 year old multi millionaire. I’m sure that lasted long, like a night. hahah.

  15. 16 steve
    April 17, 2008 at 18:34

    @Laura:

    This is how it works in law firms. Male lawyers tend to date paralegals, legal secretaries, or women in lower income levels. Female lawyers date only more senior lawyers. Virtually every other field I know is the same way, the common denominator is the women looking for men that earn more money. Or perhaps men seek out women who earn less? I for one don’t care what job or income level a woman has, whereas I know women are very conscious of the employment of men. i’ve dated women with no college degree, women with college degrees, I’ve dated women who work retail, I’ve dated women lawyers, but in virtually every case, it seems (well, not seems, it was fact) I made more money. Now was that as a result of me wanting someone who makes less than me, or them wanting someone who makes more?

    Why are women who make a lot of money having such problems finding “good men” like the article states? Is it perhaps they’re finding it hard to date up? Of course there are women who aren’c concerned with income, status, material things, but I’d safely bet they aren’t the rule, more the exception, at least in the US, and in major metropolitan areas.

  16. 17 Janet T
    April 17, 2008 at 19:02

    Steve- maybe it is just you.
    I can’t believe you think that most of the couples I know are miserable- and can make a blanket statement about this without knowing the people at all- I’m not sure if it’s ballsy or stupid. Oh wait I do know the answer to that one…..
    I know that you and I are on opposite sides of the country and usually on opposite sides of most issues but wow! Thanks for pointing out that people that I know and you don’t are miserable, I’ll be sure and send them cards to commiserate.
    Janet in Oregon

  17. 18 Mark Sandell
    April 17, 2008 at 19:12

    This whole age difference thing is a lot of rubbish. The age difference between two people who care for each other is irrelevant. In centuries gone by it was quite normal in European countries to have a huge age gap and in the case of a young woman marrying an older man, it was considered sensible as the older man was more likely to have established himself and to be able to provide for a wife and family.
    It became reasonably common again after World War One as so many younger men were killed. Now because we have a more affluent society it’s looked upon as almost dirty, unhealthy, Unnatural and people make a joke of it.
    Third world cultures are far ahead of the Western world in this regard as it’s not considered to be abnormal there yet.
    As a Minister of Religion I would have no hesitation in performing a ceremony for an 18 year old woman and a 60 year old man, provided they were both happy with the arrangement.
    As for whether the age difference will tell in time, well perhaps it might, but as I’ve gotten older myself, I’ve recognise more and more that apart from any physical deterioration, age is purely in the mind. I’ve met 70 year olds that are up and running, living life to the full and I’ve met 30 year olds who were just waiting around to die.
    Paul Rogers

    New Zealand

  18. 19 steve
    April 17, 2008 at 19:19

    @ Janet

    Do you honestly think that even your friends tell you absolutely everything? That people don’t put on a front to make you think everything is just all great and wonderful? The vast majority of people you see are not nearly as happy as you think they are. I mean, look at LA. Everyone seems so happy, but if you look deeper, all the superficiality, all the plastic surgery, all the drugs, are all a result of people being absolutely miserable. It’s the same with clubs. People in clubs look so happy, so excited, so living life, but if you look at what they’re really doing, drinking excessively, doing drugs, etc, they do it because they are miserable. Things are never as they seem. Just like, would you care to explain why the divorce rate is 50%? Do you think the other 50% who don’t divorce all all happy? I don’t think so. Does anyone ever think they’ll be one of the 50%? Don’t think so…

    Ever ask yourself why shopaholics are so common? Why alcoholism is so common? Why drug abuse is so common? It’s all because people are so miserable. So yes, you should probably look a little deeper into what you think. I used to think most people were really happy, then I looked deeper and realized how miserable people are. And if you look closer, the more materialistic they are, the more miserable they are.

  19. 20 selena
    April 17, 2008 at 20:01

    Steve, have you ever thought that your expectations might be the problem?

    I was shocked that my good looking husband was interested in me as an older woman. He is the one who comes from an upper class family and has all the connections, plus the perfect job. I kept telling him that he should get a younger woman. But he would have non of it. He actually had to work very hard to overcome my skepticism.

    You have very firm notions about people, coming to conclusions that may not bear out in fact. You don’t seem to like overweight people very much. Perhaps one of those overweight women might be your soul mate, if you look beyond what society expects you to see.

    Sometime I spend time talking to homeless people in Paris. They are mostly intelligent, funny, understand a number of languages and appreciate the attention. But I gain more from the interactions than they do.

    Open up your heart, Steve. You might find that woman who likes you just for you. There are a lot of them out there. Sadly, you won’t find them clothed in a silicone body. They have already bought too much of society’s BS.

    I wish you find the joy of love, Steve.

  20. 21 Casandra
    April 18, 2008 at 06:23

    Steve! I enjoy your enthusiasm so much! Whether I agree with you or not. But I do have a question, and I assure you I ask this with a smile on my face.

    Are you this pessimistic and cynical with everything in your own life, or just for the purposes of these subjects?

    I think a millenia of successful relationships with age gaps show that they can work. Whatever the motivations on either side, people don’t marry when they don’t appreciate those motivations. People don’t marry when the relationship isn’t working for them. The question isn’t, “Can people be happy in a relationship with an age gap?” The question is, “Can relationships with an age gap work?” In short, my answer is they most certainly can.

  21. 22 Omunyaruguru
    April 18, 2008 at 13:22

    The most important factor in successful marriage is ‘Mutual needs satisfaction.’ Everything else does not matter!!!! Basing on this principle, Age, wealth, looks, etc can affect a marriage only to the extent that they are a part of the needs of either party

  22. 23 steve
    April 18, 2008 at 15:25

    Casandra: That millenia of successful relationships that you are talking about also happened in a time when there wasn’t a 50% divorce rate. Time have changed, so have people. It’s not the era of no fault divorce, for no reason other than “I don’t feel like being married any more”. When you have such an easy out, you don’t think that’s more likely to happen when a 25 year old married to a 65 year old can get out of a marriage AND get spousal support? Divorce will only be more rampant in the future because marriage is the only contract you can breach AND win damages for breaching. Some predictions:

    Sarkozy once he loses office will be divorced by Carla Bruni

    More failed celebrity marriages

    The general divorce rate will only go higher and higher. It’s not just celebrities getting divorced.

  23. 24 Olivene
    April 18, 2008 at 15:54

    My partner is over 13 years older than I am and although it bothered him at first it has never mattered to me in the 10 years that we’ve been together. I had actually been in a relationship for seven years with a man who was 14 years older than I was before I’d hooked up with my present gentleman. I have one man now who is five years younger than I am and who keeps asking me to leave my honey for him. Although that annoys me no end at times, and I have told him that I have no intention of leaving, I tolerate the harassing phone calls and the inconvenient visits because it allows me to guide him in other areas of his life.

    I am not with my partner for his money; I have more discretionary income than he does because he has three children and I don’t have any. I’m with him because he treats me like a queen. He is, by far, the kindest, most loving and most decent man I know along with my father… He’s pretty AMAZING looking too… I could not be regarded as being anyone’s trophy and I think that the initial attraction was that we challenged each other intellectually with endless witty conversation and the sharing of our dreams. We continue to do so to this day. I love him dearly and I want to grow old with him.

  24. 25 steve
    April 18, 2008 at 16:19

    I’m just curious Olivene, if your “partner” is so great, why are you even associating with another man that wants you? If I were with someone who was involved with someone in that capacity, if I knew you hanged out with some other guy that wanted you, I would be out the door. Do you think your partner would appreciate this you have a potential replacement waiting right there? Major warning sign. Not even sure why you admitted that, as it opens you up to some serious and deserved criticism. It would be like me being married and hanging out with an exgirlfriend, one that calls a lot. Does your partner know about this other guy? If he doesn’t, what do you think he would think? And if he does know, does he lack self respect?

  25. 26 Casandra
    April 18, 2008 at 19:54

    I think we are arguing semantics here. The millenia I am talking about includes present day with its terrible divorce rate. I’m not saying all relationships with age gaps work, all the time and for ever. I think if a relationship has moved to the step of marriage, it has worked. Like I said, for whatever motivations, the relationship has worked. I don’t need a 100% success rate (meaning people dying together) to admit that relationships with large age gaps do work. Whatever the motivation, whether they die together or not, whether they are celebrities or ordinary citizens, these relationships CAN exist and CAN work.

  26. 27 Mark
    April 19, 2008 at 03:54

    Can a relationship between a 78 year old man and a 43 year old woman work? That all depends on how much money he has and is willing to spend on her and what time he goes to bed at night.

  27. 28 Mohsin
    April 19, 2008 at 09:51

    My wife is 4 years younger than me and I’m not a celebrity. I write from faith point of view:

    Why you marry some one? I guess for peace of mind and not for convenience.

    As human nature is sometimes very unpredictable and our priorities change, we sometimes end up in trouble. Most of the time the troubles are due to our unreasonableness [I’ve my definition of what is reasonableness: you are not a double standard].

    As long as you try to respect and understand your partners AND your love for someone means you are always ready to give your best rather than take from his/her, you are a wonderful person.

    Alas! Love/relationship sometimes mean expectations. This results in angry exchanges.

    Now, the faith part of all these:

    It’s the Devil [I do not know why The Almighty created him] who is behind all the human troubles. The devil hates human and gets pleasure in their troubles. He lures us to greed and selfishness.

    If both the partners are good persons, my congratulations!

    Mohsin, Dhaka

  28. April 21, 2008 at 19:38

    My daughters and television watching friends call me a cougar. I am 55 and my boyfriend is 42. There are very unique plusses and minuses. I am sexually liberated from the fear of unwanted pregnancy while at the same time living with a man in his prime. On the other hand, the lessons about balancing stress, life and work are not so well learned. I know I am mortal, he does not. Other people in age vaiant relationships often quietly confide to me that they are tired and sometimes wonder if we have the emotional and health stamina for stress.

    The communication problems between men and women of the same age are not swept away. Even words can change meaning over time, so perhaps people of different ages are sometimes more conscious of getting on the same page.

  29. April 22, 2008 at 16:57

    Relationship between an old man and yong girl may work when they have common interest or they work together in an office,where the the man can share his experience and assist the young girl to learn the work better.Of course there may be subtle sexual attachment with or without their knowledge. However marriage between a 60 year old man and a thirty year old girl may not last for long due to lack of physical attachment with the passage of time for obvious reasons. It could be worse with an eldery lady and young man of the above mentioned age group. hence reasonable age gap is best.Ofcorse the old and the young can maintain their cordial relation ship if their interests are mutual.
    .

  30. 31 John in Germany
    April 25, 2008 at 14:44

    Nice to read all the comments, and experiences. My first wife was 7 years older than myself, and everything worked out fine until our boy was born. We divorced, and even today i admit it was a 50/50 situation. I am now happily married to a woman 2 years older than myself, and i would not change her for the world. (no she does not read my writings).

    As long as the soul relationship is good all will be well, and i wish all of you a happy relationship.,how ever old, and of what gender.

    Some Promi’s and people in the public eye tend to wear thier girl friends like an expensive watch, as if they are a part of the promotional programme, and they are changed when the battery runs out. Thier first wife’s put all the effort,time, love into pushing them up the ladder, then worn out, they are dropped like hot irons. The age difference is then very obvious, but cannot be used as a guide line for age differences in a relationship.

    Love is in the air, and will stay-if we care.

    John in Germany

  31. April 26, 2008 at 17:55

    I am not sure how a link was formed to my website — but I am grateful for the readership that has resulted.

    Thanks,

    Rod Smith

    http://www.DifficultRelationships.com

  32. 33 Shuttie F.N.Libuta
    April 27, 2008 at 18:05

    Certainly 78 and 43 years is much too big a gap. The only consolation in this relationship is that the husband is the older one. The issue of old women marrying small boys is outrageous because we, women deteriorate physically faster than the men. WOmen are making more money than men these days and often times young men entangle themselves to them for gain as they may outlive them, but is that worth it emotionally. Young men need to marry their age mates so as to be able to show them off in public. Guys and dolls, be proud of your peers and leave the seniour citizens to themselves.
    One Love.

  33. 34 MATENNEH
    April 28, 2008 at 18:22

    WHAT IS CONSIDERED AGE GAP? LOVE IS RIGHT WHEN TWO ADULTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX DECIDE TO ACCEPT EACH OTHER AND LIVE TOGETHER AS ONE. AGE , MONEY, FAMILY , TRIBE OR RELIGION SHOULD NOT MATTER IN WHAT THEY WISH EACH OTHER.
    I AM NOT IN A HUGE GAP RELATIONSHIP, BUT I GUESS IT WOULD BE A NICE AFFAIR, LIKE A FATHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP…..LOTS OF LOVING WOULD FLOW BETWEEN THE TWO. I SEE NO REASON TO FROWN ON SUCH A NATURAL AND HEALTHY WAY TO BE HAPPY.

  34. 35 abigail
    April 29, 2008 at 07:18

    Steve,
    Cool your jets.

  35. 36 amanda
    May 5, 2008 at 23:48

    Steve, no doubt you can argue ur point very convincingly indeed, but you aren’t in the courts arguing your case, are we? no need to get all defensive….
    I’m 20, my boyfriend 32. I’m very much richer than him, and he’s not all that powerful, so why do I love him to bits and he me? To us (and I’m sure many other couples out there) it’s the relationship that matters, not the age gap. That’s probably why we call it a relationship, whether big gap, small gap, or no gap.
    dont even talk about celebrities/powerful people. well of course they are entitled to do so. and of course some young girl runs off with a multi-millionaire old hag for the money. or some ambitious young woman who goes for the powerful politician like a tigress on prowl. don’t point out the obvious. (well actually who are we to judge? let the divorce – if it does happen – be the proof of the failed marriage) but anyway, aren’t they celebrities?? it’s their job anyway – to boost their career in pursuing fame/wealth/glory/power. in the real world where we live in probably we have more to our minds than merely pursuing the abovementoned in a marriage.

  36. 37 maria
    May 8, 2008 at 22:10

    big age gaps ..work sometimes even for..10 years after that its usually over..never mind though its equally exploitive…i used to like older man in my 20s and early thirties..at 47 a 15 year age difference makes me gag…who wants to sleep with an halfworking old man ..on his way to the retirement home…disgusting

  37. 38 jill-frat
    May 24, 2008 at 20:30

    I’m not sure about the whole topic, I would like to think that they would work. I’m having a bit of a dilemma myself just now. I’m 18 and the guy I like is 32. We have a great chemistry and share the same interests. I don’t like him for his looks and I don’t care about the age difference (I don’t think that it’s a big deal if it makes you happy) but for once I care about what other people think of me. I know my parents would go absolutely crazy and our fellow work colleagues would probably feel dodgy about the whole situation.
    My friends are really supportive and would help me as long as he makes me happy but I think taking the first step into a relationship is the most difficult one. We both feel so comfortable with each other but I feel the age gap is maybe making it harder to get together. I like him so much and would think a relationship would work great with him but the pressures of society are really stopping it from happening. I was walking down the street with him only the other day and people were asking if it was my uncle, dad etc. Quite an embarassing situation for us both.
    I have really fallen for this guy but just don’t know how to take such a relationship forward!!!!

  38. 39 selena
    May 24, 2008 at 21:09

    @jill-frat

    Maybe, if you worry about what other people think, it is better not to become involved with an older or younger person

    Personally, I have never been burdened with worry about other’s views on my choices.

    @maria

    Older people are beautiful, if you look past physical appearances and into the soul. Whenever you think otherwise, remember it won’t be so long until we are all there, unless we die young.

    What we think of the aged today, others will think of us tomorrow.

  39. 40 jill-frat
    May 25, 2008 at 16:28

    Selena…..
    i think its just that it bothers me now because i know people would be disgusted. I’m not going to let it jeopardise what may happen with him, i like him too much. so screw everybody else, as long as I’m happy!

  40. 41 Dennis :)
    May 25, 2008 at 17:03

    I hope it does, i need some one with some resources to put thru college, also give me a nice start in life!

    Dennis
    Madrid, U.S.A.

  41. 42 NICOLE
    June 27, 2008 at 06:47

    WELL I’M DATING A GUY WHO’S 15YEARS YOUNGER, AND ALTHOUGH I’VE DATED YOUNGER GUYS THIS IS MAJOR FOR ME. I LOVE HIM. HOWEVER,WE ARE SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT, I’M 38 NOW HE’S ONLY 23,SO I DON’T DO AS MUCH PARTYIN AS I USE TO. I LIKE STAYIN HOME AND RELAXIN WITH HIM INSIDE,I DON’T WANT TO PLAY WIFEY, I WANT TO BE WIFEY. HE’S STILL WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS AND PLAY BASKETBALL ALL DAY. NOT THAT I’M A OLD FIRT,BUT JUST MORE CALMER THEN I WAS 10YRS AGO.SO I WONDER WILL WE MAKE IT. WE HE’S MORE INTO MAKING THIS WORK COMPARE TO SOME OLDER GUYS I’VE BEEN WITH AND HE LOOKS OLDER AND I DON’T LOOK MY AGE,BUT THE THOUGHT THAT HE’S 3YEARS OLDER THEN MY DAUGHTER DOESN’T SIT WELL WITH ME SOMETIME. BUT I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE THAT I’M WITH HIM~SO I’M I WORRYING FOR NOTHING?

  42. 43 jo
    September 8, 2008 at 11:26

    I have been with my fiancee for 2 years now and he’s 20 years older than me. We met when I was 17 and we had so much in comman and got a long better than i did with anybody my age. At first i wasnt sure if my family would approve but i spoke to them and they was ok about him, Now they get along great and I couldnt even imagine myself with anyone else. I cant say that it has been an easy ride because it hasnt all our friends are great and dont even think about the age gap but its the people at work and other people that dont know him that have some thing to say, so to stop people thinking bad about him i say that he’s 10 years younger. He has a 16 year old boy and we all get along perfectly.
    Its the person inside that counts not the outside!!!!!

  43. 44 Sarah
    September 28, 2008 at 00:03

    Well I’m relieved to see that A) I’m not the only person who has fallen for someone 20 years older than me and B) there are still people out there (Israel Ambe Ayongwa said it best) who believe that relationships based on mutual love and respect are more important than the opinions of the cynical, image-obsessed gossipy curtain-twitchers of the world. Phew. Now if only everybody thought like that the world might be a happier place….

  44. 45 Nicole
    April 12, 2009 at 06:06

    I am in a relationship with a man that is 29 years older than me and we are both adults. We worked together at one time and we just clicked and later fell in love. He was the first to tell me that he thought he was in love with me. Deep down inside I knew I was too and I always wanted to be around him but I kept holding myself back because of the age gap and what everyone would think. We have a ton of things in common and we can’t get enough of each other. I find everything about him is what I always wanted and the same for him. We don’t know what we would do without each other for we feed off the support and motivation we give each other. The only hard part is that some of my family is against it, but I think in time they will learn to except it. We never would have thought we would end up together, but it just happened and I don’t regret a single day of it. I’ve never been so happy with him. We do everything together…golfing, hunting, even working in the garage together. It is very hard sometimes when the family makes a big deal about it because they dont approve of it, but we always seem to keep each other strong through the whole thing. I guess I just learned that people’s opinions shouldn’t keep me from doing what makes me happy.

    • 46 jake
      July 1, 2009 at 04:32

      Hey i read your artical on the age gaps in relationships and your opinion is so close to mine. im not see’n the women… yet, (idk what to do by the way.) BUT shes 18 years older then me but ya, people have told me to wait it will happen when it happens but i never thought it would be with someone that much older then me. we even work together so i see her everyday plus some. idk why im sending this to you i dont even know you, maybe im just lookin for an answer on what to do. from the yunger persons point of view how should i react?

  45. 47 sarah
    June 24, 2009 at 19:43

    im in a relationship with a man who is 51 and im 22 i love him to bits and he does me , he treats me well and i treat him well its the only equal relationship ive ever been in but my parents do not approve , they are the only ones who dont and its stressing me out , i agree age does not matter its love that matters i can still go out with friends have lots of fun and be with someone i love

  46. 48 framboisee
    July 1, 2009 at 09:10

    My boyfriend is 23 years my senior and we love each other so much. I’m 20, my parents don’t know and though I’m planning to tell them, I’m scared of what their reaction might be. It is hard being with him, though it’s worth the effort. He needs consideration a woman my age can hardly give him, how could I? I’ve never been through his years, it should be easier if he could consider me as he has already been 20 years old. I suppose it is about progress… I just hope I can keep up.

  47. 49 Natalie
    August 28, 2009 at 09:08

    My girlfriend is 36, and I’m 18. It’s been totally crazy accepting how different our stages of life are as well as the other pressures that relationships entail but we’re MADLY in love. It’s pure passion and harmony and we feel incredibly lucky to have each other. We get our picture taken everywhere we go because we’re always smiling and kissing and holding hands. People actually smile when we walk by and tell us we look great together, A LOT. I mean being a lesbian couple on top of our age difference it’s all a little shocking. She had more trouble about our age gap than I did but with time and love everything fades. We may not be together forever but nothing in life is certain anyway. That’s not the point of living and loving. Every decision we make is a risk when it comes to matters of the heart, but that’s when you have to choose whether you want to continue being afraid or give it a chance. I can’t imagine my life without her and it pains me to think I’ll ever have to let her go. She wants to have a baby in a year, and I don’t know if I’ll be ready but we’re going to give it time. If I feel the same way I do now I know I’ll find a way to be ready. I want it to look just like her. It’s amazing how when someone loves you enough you feel you’re capable of anything. If you truly love someone nothing matters. I’ve never really been the corny type but follow your heart and nothing can stop you.

  48. 50 Soul
    September 15, 2009 at 16:31

    Hey, I have read all the comments and I must say they are very informative. I myself am in a relationship with a big age gap, I am 26 and my fiance is 58. I have tried many times to end our relationship because of the age gap, but it is not very easy, we end up patching things up and making it work. I have been very worried about what my friends would think, but I am just so happy when I am with my fiance. And right now he have left the country to give me space to think of what I want, but I am so confused. It really is not about money, or social power, it is about how that person makes you feel inside. This is my first relationship with this huge age gap, and it is tearing me apart because I do not want to break his heart, if I walk out on him. I love him very much, and deciding on where we go from here, it a huge decision for us. I am so confused, but my heart wants to be with him.

    I am always trying to read up on what problems we may encounter, to be prepared. But we are very open with each other, we spend hours just talking about everything, and he is very understanding and stable and there for me when I need him.

  49. 51 K.D.
    December 2, 2009 at 13:13

    I was in a relationship with a man 20 years my senior. When we started seeing each other, I was 29, he was 49. Ultimately, the age gap/life stage stuff is the reason I broke it off with him after a few years. I lost interest in him romantically after about two years, but stayed in the relationship longer as he was such a lovely and respectful person, and we were wonderful friends. But from what I have seen with my situation and in other people’s relationships with similar age gaps (15-20 years), it is frequently, if not always, the younger person who breaks it off in the end. It’s sad, but the LIFE STAGE stuff does rear its head eventually, despite common interests, shared passions, and common values. It’s great to hear of the success stories here, but I am of the opinion that as a long-term option, it’s just not sustainable for most relationships.


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